Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Anywhere (away with you).


He drove 17 hours non-stop from his extended family in Orlando to see me.

How many men would do that? 

It was only seven days together but I miss him already. 

We bickered and differed on things but I think our connection grew even closer during his latest visit. Overall it was a loving, positive experience. 

He flew back to his home country over the weekend. What we’ve developed over the years always gets put on hold when he’s not here. Although I’m thankful for his friendship, it would be nice if we became more than this long-distance, on-and-off again friendship/more-than-friends thing. 

He talked about going back to school in Canada and starting a new life for himself there. How do I fit into that picture…if at all? 

Will all of this ever lead to something greater or am I ultimately wasting my time and consistently getting my hopes up? 

This song by Rita Ora was playing at Target the morning after he left:


“Time flies by when the night is young
 Daylight shines on an undisclosed location, location 
Bloodshot eyes lookin' for the sun 
Paradise we live it, and we called it a vacation, vacation 

You're painting me a dream that I 
Wanna belong in, wanna belong in

Over the hills and far away 
A million miles from L.A.
Just anywhere away with you 
I know we've got to get away 
Someplace where no one knows our name 
We'll find the start of something new 
Just take me anywhere, take me anywhere 
Anywhere away with you.” 

“I don’t know what the answer is,” I told him. “I just know I want you here with me.” 

His hairs were still in the shower after he was gone and I didn’t wash my bed sheets yet to keep the scent of him a bit longer. 

Sometimes I think I’m a fool and my heart is too open for its own good. 

*sigh*

5 comments:

naturgesetz said...

From what I see in advice columns, long-distance relatioships are difficult, but possible. Perhaps if he goes to Canada, he'll be closer, and you can see each other more often.

Anyway, it's good to have someone you care about who cares about you as much as he does.

benedicktus said...

OMG! I'm going through the same thing, but my "other" lives in Taiwan. I know all the anguish of on-and-off real time stuff. Believe in yourself and believe in him. I'm rooting for you big time.

benedicktus said...

I'm going through the same thing with my boy friend from Taiwan. It's really hard. I hope he's stayed in touch since he went home, and that all is going well for the two of you. Love develops at its own pace, and is strengthened when things are difficult. Hang in and see what happens here.

Anonymous said...

Live each day as if you've seen the last of him, keep his memory alive in your heart in case you do see him again. Hope, wishing, and dreaming keep us from living in the moment, unless they become goals you work towards. If it's a mutual goal, make plans that will accomplish it. Stay realistic or you will have lived a dream and not a life.

Dean Grey said...

naturgesetz!

"Anyway, it's good to have someone you care about who cares about you as much as he does."

I agree with this 100%!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

benedicktus!

It's certainly not easy.

I'm rooting for you and your bf too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anonymous!

I appreciate your words of wisdom.

He and I will always be in each other's lives. We have both come to that agreement. How that will play out (friends/lovers/partners), well, only time will tell.

;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to the three of you for your input!

-Dean