Dreading the new year.

This is NOT how I wanted to return to blogging.

Late last month my oldest aunt had to go to the ER for severe abdominal pain. The doctors found a large mass in her uterus. Two weeks ago she had the surgery to remove the growth. It proved to be cancerous.

Thankfully the tumor hadn't spread. Most of it was removed except for a "thin skin" which doctors believe can be eradicated by a series of chemo treatments.

For right now we're focusing on her recovery. A hysterectomy is a major surgery for someone in their 70's. She needs to get her weight and strength back up first.

A dollar store trophy I jazzed up with paint for my aunt after her surgery

This will be one of the first times where I'm actually dreading the new year. Normally I'm happy to let go of the trials and tribulations of the current year for something better starting in January. Now it's the reverse.

What will the coming months bring for my aunt and our family? I do not think it will be easy. At all.

But all we can do is take it as it comes and pray for the best.

May 2019 be a year of hope, perseverance, and victory for us all!

Happy New Year, everyone!!

Anywhere (away with you).

He drove 17 hours non-stop from his extended family in Orlando to see me.

How many men would do that? 

It was only seven days together but I miss him already. 

We bickered and differed on things but I think our connection grew even closer during his latest visit. Overall it was a loving, positive experience. 

He flew back to his home country over the weekend. What we’ve developed over the years always gets put on hold when he’s not here. Although I’m thankful for his friendship, it would be nice if we became more than this long-distance, on-and-off again friendship/more-than-friends thing. 

He talked about going back to school in Canada and starting a new life for himself there. How do I fit into that picture…if at all? 

Will all of this ever lead to something greater or am I ultimately wasting my time and consistently getting my hopes up? 

This song by Rita Ora was playing at Target the morning after he left:

“Time flies by when the night is young
 Daylight shines on an undisclosed location, location 
Bloodshot eyes lookin' for the sun 
Paradise we live it, and we called it a vacation, vacation 

You're painting me a dream that I 
Wanna belong in, wanna belong in

Over the hills and far away 

A million miles from L.A.

Just anywhere away with you 

I know we've got to get away 

Someplace where no one knows our name 

We'll find the start of something new 

Just take me anywhere, take me anywhere 

Anywhere away with you.” 

“I don’t know what the answer is,” I told him. “I just know I want you here with me.” 

His hairs were still in the shower after he was gone and I didn’t wash my bed sheets yet to keep the scent of him a bit longer. 

Sometimes I think I’m a fool and my heart is too open for its own good. 

*sigh*

Forming a new family.

One leaf becomes two, then three. 

Another shoot appears, followed by another after that. 

Soon there’s a small cluster forming a new family.

Change is a thing you can count on.

Earlier in the month I learned the assistant store manager at the crafts store I work at was transferring to another location.

This week one of my coworkers at the call center job got another position in another department.

And in a few months, four of my student workers at my nighttime university job will be graduating and starting their careers in the real world.

It seems everyone is changing and moving on to other things...except me.

All I do is work and work and sleep and back at it again. It's a vicious cycle.

Will I ever draw and paint and write again? It's been years now.

I fear things aren't changing fast enough for me and in the way I want.

My mortgage still needs to be paid regardless of my dreams.

*sigh*

This Miley song has been playing a lot recently on the craft store's overhead speakers.

An appropriate way to sum up this post, I think.

"Feels like I just woke up

Like all this time I've been asleep 

Even though it's not who I am

 I'm not afraid of who I used to be 

No one stays the same (oh, oh) 

You know what goes up must come down (oh, oh) 

Change is a thing you can count on (oh, oh) 

I feel so much younger now (oh, oh) 

Feels like I've been living in a dream 

But never make it to the end 

My eyes open when they feel the light 

It's always right before I'm about to scream 

No one stays the same (oh, oh) 

You know what goes up must come down (oh, oh) 

Change is a thing you can count on (oh, oh) 

I feel so much younger now (oh, oh) 

What goes up must come down 

What goes up must come down 

What goes up must come down 

What goes up must come down (yeah) 

No one stays the same (oh, oh) 

You know what goes comes back around (oh, oh) 

Change is a thing you can count on (oh, oh) 

I feel so much younger now (oh, oh) 

I feel so much younger now (yeah) 

I feel so much younger now."

Sharing my love.

I got a text this morning saying I had to come to my university job right away. 

At first I thought something happened but it all made sense when I got to work and saw what was waiting for me...

 *****These!!!*****

This is the first time someone has given me flowers for Valentine’s Day--from the same guy that has ever bought me flowers, well, ever! (Gracias chapin!) 
 
Whenever someone would comment on the bouquet today, I was one big blush. 

I decided to leave them at work at the front desk. This way all the students and staff entering our department would be greeted by beautiful red roses. 

“Don’t you want to take them home?” a coworker asked. 

“I think it’d be nice leaving them here for all to enjoy,” I replied. “This way I’m sharing my love.” 

And isn’t that what today is all about? 

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!!

Nine!

It's been a long day at both my university jobs but before the night is through, I just wanted to wish my blog a happy anniversary.

Exploding Doughnut turns nine today!!

  

This is only mildly distracting, right? 

It seems like a small thing to celebrate these days since I don't blog as often as I once did.

I'm still grateful to have this space exist though, even if for just an occasional post here and there.

And thank all of you for continuing to see my story unfold. I wouldn't be here this many years without everyone's support along the way. You ROCK!!