In my bed.

The last time I had a bed to sleep in was during my sophomore year of high school.

Ever since then I've slept on a couch, a sofa bed, and yes, on the floor at home. I'd never sleep well under those conditions, often waking up every few hours to change sides--at times getting bruised on my hips.

It's hard to imagine over half of my life sleeping that way but that's the way it was…until now.

I bought myself a queen size bed!

It was delivered to my new apartment over the weekend.

It's one of the things I always longed for when I was finally on my own.

I slept in my bed for the first time the night it was delivered. It felt luxurious and comfortable and dare I say, sensual.

I bought plush pillows and expensive bedsheets. It almost felt too extravagant and I had the notion of sleeping on the floor again.

But as I sunk into the softness, I told myself I was worth it and deserved this bed!

So on this day of giving thanks, I'm grateful to finally have a bed to sleep in. For that I'm truly blessed. May all of you be as blessed as well.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

For my place.

It's been over two months and my new(ish) apartment still feels very bare and plain.

I bought flowers to add some color and life to the space.

A colorful bouquet of mini carnations!

White, yellow, and pink blooms to greet me and bring a smile to my face after long days at work.

What a lovely thing to come home to...

Both sides now.

"Bows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

Feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way.

Now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way.

(I've looked at clouds from both sides now)

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down and still somehow

It's cloud's illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all."

Maybe it was the updated, pop version that caught my attention. Or the gentle lyrics tugging at my heartstrings.

While doing time edits (payroll) at the crafts store I work at, this song came on the overhead speakers and made me tear up a bit...

"Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels

The dizzy, dancing way you feel

When every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way.

Now it's just another show

You leave 'em laughin' when you go

And if you care, don't let them know

Don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take and still somehow

It's love's illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all."

Do you ever feel there are times when life falls into place only for everything to not make sense? Logically you think you know, when in reality you haven't got a clue.

That's what this song reminds me of. The past. The future. And hoping to God I'm doing things right in the present.

"Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say "I love you" right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well something's lost and something's gained

In living every day.

(I've looked at life from both sides now)

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life...

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down and still somehow

It's cloud's illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all.

I really don't know life at all."

"Blood Butterflies" - W.I.P. Step 3 - Completion!

It's been SO long I actually forgot this piece still existed.

I was determined to get it done. Here's the finished painting…four years in the making!

Watercolors on watercolor paper - 5" x 7" (NFS)

In this last step, the darks were strengthened to make the muscles "pop" and I added the red on the butterflies and the splattering on the torso.

:::Close-up detail:::

It was meant to be a companion piece to "Blood Butterfly" but in all honesty, so much time has passed I no longer remember what the original inspiration was for the artwork. 

Perhaps that's why it kept getting further and further put off. There was a disconnect with the piece and it started to lose meaning--its life-source--for me.

I'm just glad it's done. Four years!! Can I get a fuckity-fuck and super-shit for old time's sake? Yes, please!

I've decided to give this painting to a blogging friend who's bought a number of my nudes in the past.

It's my way of saying thank you for all the support and advice he's given me these past several years.

And now I can finally say…

Done.
Finito!
Finished!!