Sunday, July 19, 2015

The games men play.

The last guy I went out with told me I was full of love but then said we weren't compatible for dating. I guess he was looking for someone full of hate?

I've gone on dates with men who've been put down for being Catholic, not liking alcohol ("You don't drink?!"), and not frequenting gay bars/clubs.

The "catches" are already taken, not interested in me, or straight.


That's been my dating life since, like, forever.

The heart illustration below lists some of the things men have said to me.

Marker in Moleskine journal - (NFS)

They tell you want you want to hear but when they don't get what they want from you (sex) or it's not convenient enough, they're gone.

It's very discouraging and with each failed date, I feel more self-conscious and less "datable".

When will I find a man looking for something meaningful--for real love?

Love is about accepting the other person's faults, weaknesses, and differences and still wanting to be with them. Putting real effort into it. Most men who are part of the gay scene can't comprehend that.

Why can't being myself be enough?

Maybe I'm just destined to be alone.


Mike said...

Not a criticism at all - just sharing a recent discussion my partner had with his best friend who is in her mid 30s. She is one of those people who becomes super excited about anything, and that sounded in my mind, maybe like what you described:

"The last guy I went out with told me I was full of love but then said we weren't compatible for dating. I guess he was looking for someone full of hate?"

My partner interpreted it like she is one of those people who are overly excited, overly happy about everything, anything you mention, she is super into it. He said on a date that would get annoying. He encouraged her to step back, ask questions, be skeptical.

naturgesetz said...

Being Catholic and not going to gay bars/clubs are both god things. Not liking alcohol is fine. So don't lower yourself for people who want something different from the good person you are.

It sounds as if what you may want is what they call spiritual friendship at the site of the same name.

Anyway, the men who don't want you and give those excuses/criticisms may be attractive and pleasant, but in the long run you probably wouldn't be happy with them.

My advice is to try not to worry about it too much. Be yourself, and see what the future brings.

Dean Grey said...


Hmmm, I've always been told I'm a very calming, gentle personality. I've NEVER been described as "overly excited".

If anything, I get the impression gay men think I'm too quiet and boring and wholesome for their tastes so they move onto guys that are edgier and those who'll spread their legs sooner.

Oh well.



Thank you for the website link.

I'll try not to worry about as you suggest but that's easier said than done.


I appreciate hearing from both of you gentlemen!


Anonymous said...

I've never been part of the gay glitterati. I just don't have that overly friendly, fake demeanor to get what I want. We went to see Minions Saturday night, then the husbear and I went to a gay bar. It's our annual trip to one. There were the same people sitting there who we both saw 10 or 15 years ago. Funny how their hair seems to have gotten darker and thicker. Hmmmm...must have been the lighting. I'll have to start sitting in that light, too.
Anyway, you are what you are. It would be disingenuous and out of your character to be anything else. You just keep on shining and someone will see it.
You reminded me of the stupidest thing anyone ever said to me. He said he couldn't (wouldn't) (shouldn't) get involved with me because while he wasn't in love with his ex b/f, he had a love for him. 20 years later I still laugh about it and I still don't know what the hell it means. Psycho mumbo jumbo.

Dean Grey said...


I hope to have my own "husbear" one day.