Monday, September 29, 2014

Return to me.

"You rise like a wave in the ocean
And you fall gently back to the sea
Now I want to know how to hold you
Return to me
Return to me.

You shine like the moon over water 
And you darken the sky when you leave
Now I want to know how to keep you
Return to me
Return to me
Turn to me
Return to me.

Everything I tell you has been spoken
And everything I say was said before
But everything I feel is for the first time
And everything I feel, I feel for you.

I am here calling the wind
I am here calling your name
I am here calling you back
Return to me
Return to me.

I know what it means to be lonely
And I know what it means to be free
Now I want to know how to love you
Return to me
Return to me.

I am here calling the wind
I am here calling your name
I am here calling you back 
Return to me
Return to me.

I am here
Return to me."

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Until next year, assholes.

Degenerates. Drunks. Losers.

More commonly known as Cubs fans.

Yesterday was the last hometown game of the season and I couldn't be HAPPIER or more relieved. (I wanted to buy a cake and some balloons and c-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e!)

For the past six months I've had to tolerate them on my train to and from the city.

Imagine twenty and thirty-somethings, clad in red and blue, being loud and obnoxious--and laughing at nothingness.

I could spot them (and hear them) from a mile away (the cans of beer in their hands are the first giveaway).

The video speaks for itself.

But I'm free of them now. I'm free!

Now during my commute, I'll no longer overhear discussions of whores and getting wasted, or homophobic remarks, and how badly they lost yet another game.

I won't have to deal with any of that until April of next year when baseball starts again.

Go back to your bars and trailer parks and wherever else lowlifes dwell. I won't miss you one bit!

Until next year, assholes.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Going on three.

It doesn't seem that long ago at all.

Today marks the three-year anniversary of working at my university job. And I couldn't be happier about that.

Everyone there has been so nice and professional--even the students we help on a daily basis.

And of course, the student workers make the job FUN and the night-shift fly by.

The environment is very safe, inviting, studious, and peaceful.

A perfect way to end a long work-day.

I still do hope for something full-time within the university but as far as part-time jobs go, I'm blessed to have it.

I'm proud to say I work there.

Behind the front desk.

Sunday, September 14, 2014


I'm so glad this week is over with.

Last friday was the wake for my Uncle Harry and yesterday was his funeral.

A rose from my uncle's funeral service.

The message during the priest's homily dealt with the preciousness of time.

Father talked about the passage of time and about not wasting it. To recount how my uncle spent his life but also how we are spending ours now

That we need to make the most of the time we are given and be a light to others, help those in need, and live a life filled with real purpose.

Those words seared into me for I feel like I'm investing time in things I don't want (an example being work). There must be more to me than just working at the crafts store and the university job.

I always dreamed of doing GREAT things as an adult yet I'm doing anything but…and fear I never will.

I don't know what do but I try reassuring myself time is still on my side.

Dean, give it time. Time will tell. And all will be known…in time.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Final send-off.

It reminded me of a birth but instead of loved ones gathered around to usher in life, they ushered in death.

Yesterday my uncle's immediate family huddled at his bedside in the hospital…one last time. 

My aunt, cousins, his brother and sisters, his grandchildren--even the family dog made an appearance. All the people who were there for him this past year-and-a-half to say their goodbyes.

On my way to work, my aunt called and told me my uncle passed away in his hospital room around 5:30 this morning.

I feel bad for keeping my distance and not taking on an active role towards the end, but my youngest cousin took care of his dad beautifully.

I will miss his heavy Chicago accent, his laugh which was reminiscent of Barney Rubble's, and whenever he'd call me "sunshine".

Rest in peace, Uncle Harry. I love you.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


My aunt said he was asking about me. That it'd mean a lot to him to see me before he passes.

My youngest and only remaining uncle (no blood relation) was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer about 1 1/2 years ago. Unlike my Uncle Bill though, the doctors were able to remove most of the tumor except for some "grit".

He seemed to be making progress with the chemo and was determined to fight, but things steadily declined over the last few months and even more drastically in the past couple weeks.

We were told this morning that he could go any day now.

It's hard to be sympathetic because he was abusive to my aunt and cousins when I was growing up. I guess I've always held it against him on their behalf. Felt like he deserved all he was getting now.

But it was important to have compassion so I visited him earlier today at the hospital. He was on too much morphine to really recognize anyone and slept most of the day.

I made him a glitter cross like the one I gave my coworker a couple years back. Should he wake when I'm not there, my cousins can show him and he'll know I was there in spirit.

For my Uncle Harry.

He's still family in spite of the past…and in a lot of pain. 

Poor thing. His body will succumb soon.

Any day now…..