Sunday, March 24, 2013

Gone too soon.

The last I heard from him was a voicemail about 1 1/2 years ago. I never expected the next time we'd meet he'd be in a coffin.

Less than a week ago, I found out a former coworker died in a car crash by a drunken driver who drove into oncoming traffic.

When I saw the newspaper article I wasn't sure it was the same person I once knew but after piecing together all the info I confirmed it was him.

I felt flustered and distracted by the news and couldn't focus on anything else.

I've lost many family members to illness and disease and old age but this is the first time someone I've known died so tragically and so young. He was only 27.

What was the point of him living at all then if his chance at life was cut short? It just doesn't make sense.

He worked with me briefly at my old city job about five years ago before he found another position elsewhere.

We stayed in touch for about two-or-so years after that.

I remember him being very social, driven, and having a zest for life.

But we were casual friends. I think I was too straight-laced for him at that time as he was very much into the typical gay scene and I wasn't. Eventually it felt like a one-sided friendship and I moved on.

During the memorial service last Thursday, there was a slideshow of pictures from the past few years. My, how many people he knew and met in such a short time.

"He had a lot of friends," his mom told me.

I felt compelled to attend the wake to not only pay my respects to his family but to also apologize to him for not staying in touch. And perhaps a part of me needed to see the body to make sure the tragedy was true.

It had been such a long, emotionally draining week for everyone involved. It's still hard to believe he's gone. But as I said to his mom when I gave her a hug, "He's still here. Just in another way."

I do believe that and hope he saw me there that day.

Rest in peace, Fabian. My heart aches and I will miss you.....


naturgesetz said...


May he rest in peace.

I'm sure your going to the wake was consoling to his mother.

JuJu said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

One thing I've found is that we never really get any answers to our "whys" and that's one of the hardest parts of grieving. Our minds take us in so many directions.

All we can do is sincerely try to live each day as fully as possible. That's how you honor someone like Fabian, and more important, a way to honor yourself.

Mind Of Mine said...

I am so sorry to hear this, especially so young, I lost a couple of friends a few years ago and although we weren't close any more, I wasn't able to grieve for them, I just didn't have it in me.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a handsome young man.

Anonymous said...

Hugs for a sad boy.

Randuwa said...

I'm so very sorry to hear of the passing into ancestry of your friend. You ask a very poignant question: "What was the point of him living at all if his chance at life was cut short?" The point of life is not in its duration, but in it's dynamism. Sounds like Fabian took what was given to him and embraced it--look at the impact he has had on you, and your connection to him was fleeting. Imagine how much more other's were many more were touched. And so long as you remember him, his life abides.

Soul Yaoi said...

Sorry for your lost. :-(

Rebecca said...

hugs so sorry for your loss

Dean Grey said...


I'm sure Fabian's mother appreciated everyone's support.



Yes, I've started focusing less and less on the "why's" myself though it's not always easy.


Mind Of Mine!

I'm sorry to hear of your loss too, Ian.



Yes, he was very cute.



Thanks, I need them right now.



Thank you for the warm thoughts, Randy!



I appreciate that.



Thank you, girl.


Everyone's supportive comments mean a lot to me.


Anonymous said...

You asked, "What was the point of him living at all then if his chance at life was cut short?"

How about all the lives he touched...

A Wandering Pom said...



I'm catching up with blogs after a while away. I'm sorry to hear about Fabian - he sounds like a great guy who had a lot to live for.

You asked "What was the point of him living at all". As far as I can see, life doesn't have any point or purpose, beyond what we put in it. We arrive in the world, and we try to make the best of it. It sounds as if Fabian was doing well at it - he evidently had a great zest for life, and influenced a lot of people's lives. And while any of those people remembers him, something of him is still here.

Take care


Dean Grey said...


Perhaps but only God would know for sure.


A Wandering Pom!

I appreciate that, Mark.

Yes, we carry bits of those who've fallen with us so a part of them is always around.


Thanks to the both of you!


Leigh said...

Death is always tragic, but it always seems more so somehow when it's a young adult or a child. A life cut short. He was a handsome guy.

Dean Grey said...


Agreeing with you on all points!


Jules said...

Oh no! That's so sad! God Bless.. This is a nice tribute you did for him...

Dean Grey said...


I appreciate that.

It's still hard to believe he's gone.