Sunday, March 24, 2013

Gone too soon.

The last I heard from him was a voicemail about 1 1/2 years ago. I never expected the next time we'd meet he'd be in a coffin.

Less than a week ago, I found out a former coworker died in a car crash by a drunken driver who drove into oncoming traffic.

When I saw the newspaper article I wasn't sure it was the same person I once knew but after piecing together all the info I confirmed it was him.

I felt flustered and distracted by the news and couldn't focus on anything else.

I've lost many family members to illness and disease and old age but this is the first time someone I've known died so tragically and so young. He was only 27.

What was the point of him living at all then if his chance at life was cut short? It just doesn't make sense.

He worked with me briefly at my old city job about five years ago before he found another position elsewhere.

We stayed in touch for about two-or-so years after that.

I remember him being very social, driven, and having a zest for life.

But we were casual friends. I think I was too straight-laced for him at that time as he was very much into the typical gay scene and I wasn't. Eventually it felt like a one-sided friendship and I moved on.

During the memorial service last Thursday, there was a slideshow of pictures from the past few years. My, how many people he knew and met in such a short time.

"He had a lot of friends," his mom told me.

I felt compelled to attend the wake to not only pay my respects to his family but to also apologize to him for not staying in touch. And perhaps a part of me needed to see the body to make sure the tragedy was true.

It had been such a long, emotionally draining week for everyone involved. It's still hard to believe he's gone. But as I said to his mom when I gave her a hug, "He's still here. Just in another way."

I do believe that and hope he saw me there that day.

Rest in peace, Fabian. My heart aches and I will miss you.....

Sunday, March 17, 2013

St. Patrick's Bling!

I'm not Irish but it was a good excuse to wear my favorite!

Last month, I showed you what I wore at work for Valentine's Day. This is what I began wearing at the arts-and-crafts store immediately afterwards.

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

Shamrock chains, a custom-made bow (by me!), and a green flower are just some of the things adorning my lanyard. I also added jingle bells leftover from Christmas so customers would hear me a mile away as I walked through the aisles.

Ten years ago I'd never have done anything like this. At that time in my life I'd always try to hide and not attract attention.

With that said, I still have anxiety when put in social settings and around large crowds. Perhaps in the 2+ years I've been working at the crafts store, I've become comfortable and feel safe to be who I am there.

Now I'm wondering what I'll wear once today is over with. After Easter the only real holiday coming up is the 4th of July. I'm sure I'll think of something though.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Suffer a little longer.

Imagine you're about to be handed something special but it's snatched away before you even have the chance to grasp it.

It feels like that.

I finally heard back from the department I interviewed with last month in Seattle. I didn't get the job.

How very disappointing.

I thought for sure this was going to be the one to get me in.

I'll of course keep trying and applying to new openings but if I couldn't even get an entry-level position that had four slots available, what are my chances of getting anything else?

Did I not answer their questions fully enough? Was I over-qualified? Or maybe they didn't think I was a good fit.

I can analyze it all day but that still won't change the outcome.

I so want to be done with Chicago. With the crafts store. Living with family. The sadness.

No, I guess God wants me to suffer a little longer.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Kid's art!

The arts and crafts store I work at had a field trip last week where grade-schoolers were shown around the sales floor.

It was meant to be a learning experience for the students as they explored various shapes, textures, and colors in each aisle.

At the end, they had to do a self-portrait incorporating what they saw.

When the group was gone, one little girl's drawing was left behind.....

Marker on paper - 9" x 12" (NFS)

Normally kid's art has so much blank space but this portrait filled the ENTIRE paper. The bold colors also caught my attention.

She looks like she has the measles or some other skin condition but at least she's happy about it!

I didn't want to throw it out, so I hung the drawing in my little office space at work to liven things up.

Will she outgrow the urge to draw and color as children so often do?

Maybe she'll become a famous artist one day and I'll have one of her first works of art!