Thursday, February 28, 2013

"You won't know until you try."

From the piers I could smell the saltwater.

Choppy waves crashed into wooden pylons as voluminous clouds overtook the sky.

Behind me was the city and in front of me were the Olympic Mountains in the far distance.

While taking in such breathtaking views, I could see myself living here.....

This past weekend I returned from my latest trip to Seattle.

The interview went quite well and it sounded like there was opportunity for growth and advancement within that city department. Something I haven't found at my present jobs in Chicago.

The rest of my time was spent with a couple friends I made from previous trips.

Moving so far away is such a major step though. What if it's not the right thing to do? What if I no longer like Seattle once I'm working and paying bills there? What if it doesn't work out?

When I asked one of my Seattle friends this, he simply replied, "You won't know until you try."

I believe that too. Otherwise I'll always wonder what if.

So if I'm offered the job in the coming weeks, I must take it.

I've come this far and need to see it through!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I hope it changes.

"Gotta shake myself up here
I should run away, run away, run away
People say don't even go near
I can see the danger, I'm aware, I see the danger

If I go back once again it's like I learned nothing
I'm standing at the front of a queue
Heading for trouble

Hope it changes
Hope my life changes
Gets alright somehow
Oh I'm waiting for tomorrow

I hope it changes
Can't just stay the same
Been out of luck for so long
And don't I get much so there's nothing much to lose."

I think I'd kill myself if I stayed here much longer.

Ever since returning from my trips out there, Chicago just doesn't look the same to me. It's not, well, Seattle. I feel like I've outgrown my home city and need to experience elsewhere.

New opportunities. New people. A new life. A better life.

A chance to be free...and happy.

I was contacted yet again by that same Seattle city department as last time and will be going on a job interview this Friday. It's an entry-level position but it might be my only way of getting in there. 

I fly out for four days, my flight leaving later this morning.

It's been 2 1/2 months since I was there last. There's this fear and anxiety and excitement in me. And I'm worried the feelings for Seattle won't be there like they have in the past. Only one way to find out.

This could change EVERYTHING.

"It's like a record going round
Yes, it's going round, going round, going round
I know I should wanna take it off
But I find hard, why do I find it hard?

I used to have a vision 
I was sitting somewhere up there
Looking down on myself
Doing right for once in my life

It changes
Hope my life changes
Gets alright somehow
Oh I'm waiting for tomorrow

I hope it changes
Can't just stay the same
Been out of luck for so long
And I don't get much so there's nothing much to lose."

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Ambassador of love.

It started out as something simple but ended up representing so much more.

After Christmas was over, the lanyard I wore for work seemed bare...devoid of all its festive ornamentation. 

In the weeks that followed, I used the Valentine's Day ribbon we sell at the crafts store and made a bow to add to my name badge.

From there came a red clip-on flower. A few days later, a glittered heart became part of the ensemble. Then another clip-on flower. Metallic heart chains too. Why not!

By the time February hit, I was fully adorned with heart-themed things. It was a bit jangly and cumbersome yet fun to wear!

My lanyard I wear everyday at work!

Customers would give me odd looks followed by smiles.

"I'm celebrating love in all its forms," I'd tell them.

And it went so well that I started wearing the red and pink bow all this week at my university job.

I even bought my student workers heart chains to wear at the front desk so I wouldn't look like the odd man out.

Female students complimented my bow right away and I told them it's in honor of Valentine's Day.

"I'm an ambassador of love!" I declared.

That one day it would find me.

One day, Dean.....

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!

Let's ALL be ambassadors of love!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Better days ahead.

There was tension in their voices.

They were arguing...and planning something.

They had to be in their early 20's and it sounded like they were running away.

That's what transpired during my train ride into the city for work the other day.

The young man with his slicked-back hair was talking rather rough with her. Her name was Erica, I overheard.

She sounded frustrated and upset and her boyfriend was trying to convince her it will all work out. To reassure and protect her.

"We have to plan this out right," he said.

I was sitting a seat behind and across from them so I could only hear bits and pieces of their exchange but it sounded daring and passionate.

I secretly snapped this picture of them.

Now I could be totally wrong and may have misheard their conversation through the noisy commute but the thought of leaving everything behind for love is exciting.

To have a wonderful man whisk me away and escape this dull, lonely life of mine. This prison I'm in.

"Don't you want to come back and visit here (referring to Chicago)?" he asked.

She shook her head no.

I could identify with Erica but know she'll be all right because she has someone to hold her hand and love along the way.

Who knows what will become of them but I wish that young couple luck. May they find better days ahead.