From past experience, I know the longer I hold onto something the harder it is to let go.
I still have a couple of his voicemails saved on my phone and I think it's wise to finally erase them. It's too tempting to listen to those messages when I'm sad and miss him.
Him and that slight southern drawl of his.
Here's one of his very first voicemails to me from the beginning of last August:
I hope you get home safely. I've really enjoyed texting you. I've really enjoyed our interaction...I understand why you want more than that but I hope that we can be friends for a very long time and...maybe have the possibility of something else but that's neither here nor there. I've been single for quite a while. It's not just that you're a warm body. I really do like what I've seen of you and I would really like to get to know you better.
Okay. So I will talk to you later.
Give me a call, leave me a message, have a safe trip home, and have a good night.
He sounded so sincere, so kind, and so into me back then.
Yet I'm not sure his original words hold true anymore.
I don't want to be reminded of what I've lost--to keep holding on to what I no longer have and to someone that doesn't want me anymore. It's not healthy and seems pathetic otherwise.
So with a heavy heart, I cried while listening to them one last time this morning then deleted the last of his voicemails.
And I can't help but feel sad today because I ended up erasing love.