Sunday, November 25, 2012


Disappointed adj. Saddened by the failure of an expectation; frustrated. n. The prevention of fulfillment.

I'm tired of looking and tired of not looking.

Always getting my hopes up, only to be let down every time.

I've gone on several dates these past couple months but there just wasn't anything there worthwhile. And I rejoined a dating site back in the springtime but haven't had much luck with that either.

Might as well be invisible.

I've been told not to pick just anyone but then I never meet a man of that caliber. If I always hold out and wait, how will I gain any relationship experience? I feel like I'll make all my mistakes when the right one comes along...which will make it not so right.

Markers in Moleskine journal - (NFS)

When will I find someone to kiss me again, to hold me, to love me, to fuck me?

Will I ever find love that lasts?

I want someone faith-driven with values and strong morals. An attractive, wonderful man looking for love and commitment. NOT something "casual" or an open relationship or someone who thinks there's nothing wrong with hooking up.

Maybe the type of man I seek only exists in the straight community.

*defeated sigh*

When the days are long and work wears me down, it sucks not having anyone to comfort me. Always having to keep it to myself and handle it on my own.

In the end, I'm left feeling empty, terribly alone...and disappointed.


naturgesetz said...

Oh Dean.


Mind Of Mine said...

There is nothing wrong with just hooking up, the mutually consentual satisfying of a need. It's during 'hook ups' that most gay couples meet. I can reel of a list for you

Rebecca said...

aw honey there is someone out there for you he will come along when you least expect t and when your not looking. He'll sweep you off your feet. I know your Mr. right is out there he just may have lost his GPS for a moment. HUGS

Whatever said...

I assure you, that breed of man you just described is just as scarce in the straight community. Or already taken.

Maybe the one factor you could overlook is attractiveness. People grow more physically appealing the more you warm up to them, anyway, so looks aren't a big deal (unless there's something that really puts you off).

At any rate, don't feel too down. We're all still looking (or not looking), too :) Focus on making worthwhile friendships - love will come when it comes.

Dean Grey said...


Thanks. I need all the hugs I can get right about now.


Mind Of Mine!

"It's during 'hook ups' that most gay couples meet."

Yes, but how long do those "relationships" last?

IMO hooking up is wrong because it has nothing to do with love.

It may be right for you but not for me, Ian. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.



Maybe Mr. Right just doesn't exist.




That makes me sad to read but I'm sure there are a lot of pigs in the straight community too.

Or as you pointed out, the good ones are already taken/married.

I can overlook attractiveness to a point and yet there has to be some physical attraction for it to work, right?

I will take your advice and focus on making worthwhile friendships instead.


Everyone's supportive words are greatly appreciated!


Jules said...

Draw another page with words like "Love will find me" over and over again and shape it into a full heart, without holes in it. Things come to those who believe. You just have to tell the universe you're ready. Steer clear of negative thoughts, my friend.

stanw said...

Cheering for you, Dean, keep positive, the best is yet to come. Oh yeah, and not the least of, here's a big {{{HUG}}} just for you!

ultragreen said...

Dean, there are gay men in long-term relationships. Ever hear of gay marriage? So, they exist.

Such relationships, in my limited experience, do not occur overnight. They evolve and develop gradually over time in most cases.

It is perhaps more difficult to find gay men in the dating scene who are interested in long term relationships because, well, they are typically involved in long-term relationships! Men who are sexually promiscuous, however, are always searching for their next sex partner, therefore you are more likely to encounter them.

However, I would not instantly reject someone just because they are not yet ready to plunge into a long-term relationship, when it may be possible to develop friendship and mutual respect.

A romantic relationship involving sex may, or may not, proceed from such friendship. Without the establishment of friendship and trust, having sex with someone is unlikely to provide much satisfaction to someone like you -- as I'm sure you already know.

I understand the deep emotional longing for relatedness that you have. It is something that transcends both friendship and sex, it is something that can inspire great art or great science, it is something that can cause suicide or madness, and it is both a blessing and a curse.

Dean Grey said...


Love WILL find me!



You are always a sweetheart, Stan.



I appreciate your detailed comment!

Yes, the men interested in LTRs are usually already in one.

And I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from. The frustration of it all can inspire but also destroy. Time will tell which one wins.


Thanks to all of you!


Dean said...

Hi Dean, My name is Dean, too. I stumbled across your blog last week and have randomly read 20 to 30 posts. It is a bit scary to say this, but a lot of what I read reminds me of me even though I am much older and have had a much different life.

I hope you will find your love soon, and feel a greater purpose. I am told often that I am a good person and I underestimate myself. I think that description applies to you.

Love is wonderful, as I have recently learned. I never knew what it was like to connect until I met my guy. I am cheering for you. You deserve that joy. Best wishes.

Dean Grey said...


I'm glad you found my blog. We Deans have to stick together!

Yes, it sounds like you know where I'm coming from. Love will find me when the time is right.

I appreciate your encouragement, sir!