Climb.

Climb v.tr. To move oneself upward; ascend.

I'm so scared to go back there again and I don't know why.

Gray, rainy skies, the waterfront, and Mount Rainier will all be waiting for me. (Just typing that last sentence has made me smile).

Later this morning I fly out to Seattle. This'll be my third time visiting there.

I have another interview with the same city department I interviewed for during the summer.

This time though it's not for a job. If I pass the interview, I'll be allowed to apply for future positions only available to staff and not open to the public. The exclusive access would bolster my chances of getting in there one day.

I'll be staying in Seattle for almost a week, so after the interview I'll have several days to explore and relax and recharge.

It'll be a much-needed getaway as I've been working non-stop it seems all this year.

But I feel rushed or like I'm not ready. Maybe it's my nerves getting the better of me.

What if I don't like it there this time? What if I do?

My insides are trembling but there's no turning back now. Now there's only Seattle.

Climb, Dean. Climb.

Disappointed.

Disappointed adj. Saddened by the failure of an expectation; frustrated. n. The prevention of fulfillment.

I'm tired of looking and tired of not looking.

Always getting my hopes up, only to be let down every time.

I've gone on several dates these past couple months but there just wasn't anything there worthwhile. And I rejoined a dating site back in the springtime but haven't had much luck with that either.

Might as well be invisible.

I've been told not to pick just anyone but then I never meet a man of that caliber. If I always hold out and wait, how will I gain any relationship experience? I feel like I'll make all my mistakes when the right one comes along...which will make it not so right.

Markers in Moleskine journal - (NFS)

When will I find someone to kiss me again, to hold me, to love me, to fuck me?

Will I ever find love that lasts?

I want someone faith-driven with values and strong morals. An attractive, wonderful man looking for love and commitment. NOT something "casual" or an open relationship or someone who thinks there's nothing wrong with hooking up.

Maybe the type of man I seek only exists in the straight community.

*defeated sigh*

When the days are long and work wears me down, it sucks not having anyone to comfort me. Always having to keep it to myself and handle it on my own.

In the end, I'm left feeling empty, terribly alone...and disappointed.

Wordless Wednesday - Seagram's Vodka (along Roosevelt Rd.)

Bow Boy!

"Make a loop, twist. Make another loop and twist again."

Seemed simple enough so I gave it a go!

Over the weekend, our store manager at the crafts store I work at wanted a whole bunch of custom bows made for customers to purchase during the coming holiday rush.

Now I've never made a bow in my life but one of the part-time managers has (she's quite crafty!) and she showed me step-by-step how to do it.

Yep, I made all these...

Over the next three hours, a few large bows turned into well over a dozen. Colorful ribbon was everywhere and I was a bow-making machine!

What fun!

At one point I told my coworkers that Dean had left for the day and would only respond to the name "Bow Boy". LOL

The mighty glitter bow!

In the two years I've worked for this company, this was the first time I've gotten to do something creative and get paid for it. A nice change from my mundane work tasks performed every day.

And it was very interesting creating something 3-dimensional. Perhaps this will carry over into my art in some way. We shall see.

Now these bows just need to sell!

Wordless Wednesday - "Antigonish" (on the corner of Clark St. and Roosevelt Rd.)

Forgotten nude!

While looking through last year's blogposts, I saw this particular nude I'd started.

My initial thought was, Funny, I don't remember finishing that.

That's because you didn't, Dean!

As I went though my art-related things, I found the pencil drawing carefully tucked away...still waiting to be painted.

I totally forgot about it!

Ughh!

So I decided to make a dent in it this weekend. Here it is:

In this step I laid down the skin tones and blocked in the shadow areas.

Now all that's left is to strengthen the darks, color the butterflies, and add any last details.

I'm no longer sure if the original intention for this painting will remain but I do know I want it finished...SOON!

Wordless Wednesday - Two red cones (Van Buren Street Train Station)

Small thanks.

Work has sapped much of my energy and free time lately so all I could make her was something small.

Here's a thank you card I painted for one of my former coworkers.....

Watercolors on watercolor paper - 3 1/2" x 4 3/4" (NFS)

It's a very simple abstract painting but hopefully she likes.

If anything, it'll be a good excuse to visit our sister store and see how she's been doing since Corporate sent her there.

And in the end, it's not the size of the thank you but the fact that you're showing your gratitude that counts.