Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Erasing love.....


From past experience, I know the longer I hold onto something the harder it is to let go.

I still have a couple of his voicemails saved on my phone and I think it's wise to finally erase them. It's too tempting to listen to those messages when I'm sad and miss him.

Him and that slight southern drawl of his.

*sigh*

Here's one of his very first voicemails to me from the beginning of last August:

"Hey Dean...

I hope you get home safely. I've really enjoyed texting you. I've really enjoyed our interaction...I understand why you want more than that but I hope that we can be friends for a very long time and...maybe have the possibility of something else but that's neither here nor there. I've been single for quite a while. It's not just that you're a warm body. I really do like what I've seen of you and I would really like to get to know you better.

Okay. So I will talk to you later.

Give me a call, leave me a message, have a safe trip home, and have a good night.

Bye sweetie."

He sounded so sincere, so kind, and so into me back then.

Yet I'm not sure his original words hold true anymore.

I don't want to be reminded of what I've lost--to keep holding on to what I no longer have and to someone that doesn't want me anymore. It's not healthy and seems pathetic otherwise.

So with a heavy heart, I cried while listening to them one last time this morning then deleted the last of his voicemails.

And I can't help but feel sad today because I ended up erasing love.

9 comments:

becca said...

hugs sweetie

naturgesetz said...

Hopefully not having the reminders will help ease the pain.

*hugs*

Heather B said...

wow....how eerie that your dilemma mirrors my own. i had saved voicemails on my phone for a long time...and only just deleted them a few weeks ago. the pro/con is that they will be in your heart's memory. but it'll get easier.

Katie said...

Dean,
this made me cry! I'm so sorry.
But you know, you'll be okay. You were that happy not too long ago, and you'll be happy again.
I assure you.

Ima B. Musing said...

Dear Dean,
Alas, I have been there myself. www.meetup.com is a terrific method to meet people. You can seek out folks with similar interests and make new friends. When you are ready, new love. Have hope. From your blogs, you sound like a wonderful person and deserve a wonderful relationship.
Have a fun weekend,
Ima

Christine said...

Dearest Dean.. I have been away from blogger now longer than I care to admit, and it's kind of funny, as I was catching up this morning, I felt as though I had let down a friend because I wasn't "here" when you wrote of your heartache.. funny, how blogging can connect people.
I hope that your heart heals quickly.. send some good karma your way. XOXO

Dean Grey said...

Becca!

Thanks, I need them right about now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

Hopefully!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heather!

Yes, they'll always have a place in my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie!

I hope you are right about being happy again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ima B. Musing!

I still have some hope left. Not much but some!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christine!

No worries. Sometimes life gets in the way of blogging.

Glad to see you around again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate all of you commenting here!

-Dean

Anonymous said...

Hi Dean,

I honestly know exactly how you feel and even though my pain happened well over 2 years ago, it still hits me repeatedly. Little things - A certain song, a random sign, the way a person stands - All hit me at the least opportune times.

I say all this to say one thing - It gets easier each and every day. While my heart still aches for my ex, I realize it was never meant to be, and I hope that you find the peace that helps you in your journey in finding closure.

I wish nothing but the best for you Dean and I know someday you will find that special someone (who knows, you may be reading his message as we speak!).

Best Regards,

Anonymous

Dean Grey said...

Anonymous!

Thanks for the sweet message.

Hopefully it'll get easier day by day as you suggest.

-Dean