Saturday, January 28, 2012

It only takes a moment.....

"He held me for an instant
But his arms felt safe and strong
It only takes a moment
To be loved a whole life long."

He used to leave singing voicemails on my phone.

He'd call me "sweets", "babycakes", "babydoll", and "sweetcheeks" (he's a goofball like that).

I'd get cutesy texts throughout the day, everyday from him.

I miss it. Terribly. But that's all over now.

When I'm alone....and lonely, my mind wanders back to what we had.

Those quiet times during the day when I'd normally hear from him are now more noticeable. The nights are especially hard too and every time I see a full moon I think of the Neko Case song he sang to me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Although I mourn the loss of what could've been, I'm still quite grateful to have had those five months with him, no matter how short-lived.

"And this is all
That love's about

And we'll recall when time runs out

That it only took a moment
To be loved a whole life long!"


Laura Ulum said...

Awe...this speaks so much to me :( thanks for sharing!

naturgesetz said...

Those five months are still real in your memory. You'll always have Kentucky.


Randuwa said...

Dean, my beautiful friend, my creative friend, my sensitive and desire-filled friend, when one cannot have apples, one can have oranges. May the other fruit in your life send you all the love we have so that while it can never be the same, it might just be sufficient for the moment. And take it from this Bing Cherry, one day your Golden Delicious will come! All my love, randy

JuJu said...

Excellent song choice!

I'm so proud of you for doing your best to see and embrace the positive. Keep on keepin on Dean. xxx

Unknown said...

I wish I knew what to say to make it better. I only hope that you can recover and feel better.

Anonymous said...

It's ok to remember what we had with someone special as long as it doesn't affect us anymore now. I love to remember all the goofy, insane, things I would do with that someone special. I just look back and laugh at all those great moments, because those good moments overcome the bads ones in the end.

Random said...

*bearhug* Sometimes you need to let go of someone you value to make room for someone who values you just as much. It's ok to feel down. It sucks, but it's okay :) It'll stop hurting with time, and before you know it this whole thing will be a dusty memory that doesn't even cause a twinge of regret or pain. Until then, beahugs and squidtangles from your readers <3

Marty said...

I hate the loneliness evenings bring too.

Rach83 said...

Hi Dean,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment. I can empathise entirely with your feeling of loss. I know it's a cliche but it does get better. Your writing is very clever and engaging.

Take care,
Rachel x

Maggie said...

my heart aches for you

K.C. said...

I'm sorry to hear that the relationship ended. I just hope that you can move on from this soon and swiftly. You're a good guy, Dean. Yea, it's almost inevitable to think of what you guys could have had in the long run, but think of what you can have now and what you can attain for yourself. Happiness isn't contingent on anyone but ourselves and what we allow ourselves to experience and have.

Stay sweet, my dear sweet Dean. :)

Heather B said...

this is the story of my life. pretty much the same in California, him in Florida. but after months of phone calls, text messages, emails...its over. I miss it all too...the virtual companionship. But I can almost promise you, it will get better. You may never forget...but soon, those 30 seconds where he DOESN'T cross your mind, will turn into 5 minutes, then 2 hours, maybe even longer. My solution? Stay busy as hell!
BTW...I miss your photography! Do more! Do a 30 day Photo challenge!

Writer said...

I miss your hands. And you make me ache. :(

ilduce said...

Been there. Sweetie it'll get better with time.

David K Small, artist said...

Every experience adds to the quality of your life.

Mind Of Mine said...

Damn! I hate how much of a step back this caused you.

Dean Grey said...


Thank YOU for looking!



(((HUGS))) back at you, sir!



Your comment made me smile, Randy.

Now I'm craving an apple!



I shall keep on keepin' on!



I hope I can recover and feel better too but it doesn't feel like that will happen anytime soon.



I think that's the problem. It still is affecting me.



Thanks for the bearhugs and squidtangles!



The nighttime is really rough for me right now.



I appreciate the kind words, Rachel!



Mine does too.....



Thanks for that, Kenny!



More art and photography hopefully soon!



It's what you wanted though. I hope you find what you're looking for.



In time.



David K Small!

I don't know that it's making my life any better right now, David, so I have to disagree.


Mind Of Mine!

Me too, Ian. Me too.


Everyone's support is greatly appreciated more than you know!


Random said...

@Mind of Mine, this is hardly a step back. It just feels like it when you're in the situation. What it is, though, is a new beginning waiting to happen. *Bumps shoulders with Dean*

Dean Grey said...


"...a new beginning waiting to happen."

I like that way of looking at it!

*bumps shoulders with Random*


Jolly Roger said...

In this life - it is not clear … much
And in many respects – only a question.
After all that will be – you do not learn,
And that was – you will not return.

This world – a riddle from riddles,
How many wouldn't try to solve.
You can fall and again rise,
You can fly up upwards and odds to give.

Well, and you can – to fall low,
Having forgotten about happiness and dream.
On an inclined plane to roll down
And friends will appear not those.

You store that is expensive and valuable,
Wrap good luck in a small knot,
Well, and to it – confidence and fidelity,
Hide love far away in a corner.

Enjoy that you have,
Present to friends the heat.
Also live, as in an old kind fairy tale,
Where the good predominates over harm!

Dean Grey said...

Jolly Roger!

Thanks for that!


Unknown said...

My ex-wife and I were fortunate to move through the "hate" to the "respect" stage rather quickly. We knew we had to get to "respect" to be as good of parents as we could be for our son.

I was faithful to her and never stepped out on her, even when I finally admitted to myself that I am gay. Something really unexpected happened when I finally came out to her. It helped her understand why we could not make the marriage work in spite of trying for years. I still respect her, but now I feel a love for her, not a romantic love, but the love I feel for a good friend from the past.

We rarely communicate because we are not part of each other's daily lives. When we have something to discuss we are grateful at how natural it is for us to talk.

I don't sense any hate between you and your former boyfriend so I hope this comment makes sense. What I am trying to say is sometimes things don't work out even when both parties are good people.

Dean Grey said...


I hear from him about three times a year, usually during major holidays.

That's about it though, but maybe it's for the best.