Saturday, October 29, 2011

Paint on the sidewalk.

They were just smudges really. Forgotten blobs of color that no one would notice. Except me.

With a bit of time to kill before work, I wanted to go see Buckingham Fountain now that it'd been turned off and drained for the coming winter.

Just steps away from the fountain, I found bits of paint on the pavement.

My heart skipped a beat. It had been so long since I painted now that I'm working all the time.

It was much more to me than paint on the sidewalk. It represented freedom, spontaneity, creativity.

Was it leftover remnants of an artist's messy plein air session or a deliberate attempt to paint a pattern on the ground for all to see? A magical sword, a rainbow feather, or something else entirely?

I'll never really know.

But I do know I miss creating art. How I long for it to be an everyday part of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if one's artistic passion eventually dies after not being used or does it just get buried deep enough that it becomes forgotten?

I guess I'll learn the answer to that firsthand.

Maybe one day the artist in me will be gone and the next time I see a sight like this it'll just be paint on the sidewalk.

Monday, October 24, 2011


It finally caught up with me.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep this up and now I found out.

Becoming terribly sick this weekend, I had to call off work today.

Watercolors in Moleskine journal - (NFS)

I've been working three part-time jobs for the past several weeks--sometimes all in one day--and I'm TIRED.

Half the time I don't know what day it is or if I'm coming or going. Yet I always manage to smile it off at work, hiding the weariness that's underneath.

Often I'm sleep-deprived....some days getting less than 5-6 hours bed rest, leaving me with a constant ache and heaviness in my body.

To start the day already depleted does not feel good.

But I must keep going.

I'll need that money so when I'm finally on my own I never have to go back to family. And with talks of layoffs to city workers again I dare not give up any job until I know which ones are certain.

New love is the only thing keeping me going right now otherwise I'd have succumbed a while back.

No matter how drained I may be I keep telling myself one day I shall be FREE!

Monday, October 10, 2011

I found love in Kentucky.....

I got home from my trip last night.

I'm back in Chicago now but wish I was still in Kentucky.

I think the title of this post says it all.

*deep sigh*

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I need a vacation!

I've been working non-stop for the past year--never calling off from any of my jobs, leaving me emotionally and physically drained.

I could use a break from my mundane routine. A chance to forget about work for once and explore someplace new....and I decided to do just that!

The last time I left Chicago was nine years ago for a failed trip to Ireland (long story).

This time around I'm heading to the Bluegrass State for the next five days.

Kentucky here I come!

I'm excited and nervous and everything in between. Going on vacation feels so foreign to me. This is such a big step out of my comfort zone but I wanted to try.

Hopefully I get some much needed rest and relaxation. But also to see the sights, have F-U-N, and make friends along the way.

And who knows, maybe I'll even find love there.

To be continued.....

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Lake love.

"A lake carries you into recesses of feeling otherwise impenetrable."
--William Wordsworth

I watched gray skies pelt the lake with rain while choppy waves drew me closer. Chilled winds called to me like a lover, whispering their sweet nothings on billowy clouds.

I'm so blessed to work less than four blocks from the Chicago Lakefront.

Majestic skyscrapers behind me and Lake Michigan literally at my feet. I always feel free when I'm there.

It's been such an EXHAUSTING two weeks now that I'm working three jobs. Lots of anxiety meeting so many new people and trying to learn different tasks.

To calm my nerves, I've been going to the lakefront every morning before starting work. To merge with nature for a bit so that I'm grounded and comforted and rejuvenated.

Watching colors and shapes unfold before my eyes--Mother Nature creating a painting for all of Chicago to least for those who stop and notice.

Thankfully it rained almost every day this week. Storm clouds mixed with a clearing sky make for breathtaking views. At times it moved me to tears. Just so very special.

Here are some of my favorite pics taken throughout the past couple weeks.....

Ahh, A good way to start the workday, wouldn't you say?

Maybe one day I'll be able to share this loveliness with someone special instead of always coming here alone.

In time, Dean. In time.....