Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Somebody to love.



"Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can't barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror (In the mirror) and cry (And I cry)
Lord what you're doing to me? (Yeah, yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you (Ooh, believing you)
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, (Somebody), ooh somebody (Somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

It must be nice....no, it must be wonderful holding someone else's hand. Having them give you soft kisses, caressing your face, and holding you tightly when you need it most.

It's been so very long I no longer remember.

*deep sigh*

Now seeing couples and families walking around the city are a painful reminder just how single I am.

How I long to be in a relationship so very badly. At times it hurts and can be quite frustrating.

For instance, I saw a masculine gay couple on the train the other day.

They were near my age, both incredibly attractive. One lean and athletic, the other built and insanely muscular (my exact type).

I watched them lock eyes and smile at each other.

I wondered how they met. How long they've been together and if I'll ever meet someone like that.

Don't I deserve to have that too?

I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath to prevent myself from crying on the ride home.

"I work (He works hard) every day of my life
I work 'til I ache my bones
At the end (At the end of the day) I take home (Goes home) my hard earned pay all on my own
(Goes home on his own)
I get down (Down) on my knees (Knees) and I start to pray (Praise the Lord)
'Til the tears run down from my eyes, Lord (Ooh, Lord)
Somebody (Somebody), ooh somebody (Please)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

Sometimes I wonder if it's God's way of telling me I'm supposed to be alone for whatever reason at this stage of my life. It's not like I've had any offers though.

At this point I've had to lower my standards so much that I'll settle for a guy that's still breathing. Beggars can't be choosers and I'll take whatever crumbs I can get.

Will I ever meet someone that will love me for me, faults and all, and still stick around?

How much longer must I wait? Will it be years? Decades even? I hope I'm long dead if that's the case.

This heart of mine ACHES for somebody to love! Only in my daydreams I guess.....

"Ooh - somebody to love
(Find me somebody to love)
Ooh
(Find me somebody to love)
Find me, find me, find me somebody to love
(Find me somebody to love)
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Find me, find me, find me love."

19 comments:

MicaelChadwick.com said...

Just keep bouncing, babe.

I have been single now for 11 years. It's become a very good thing. I have learned to give to myself all that I was wanting from a relationship. I wasn't ready. I would have ended up making a holy damned mess of a relationship if I would have gotten it when I thought I wanted it.

Now, if it comes, fantastic. If not, that's okay too.

Just hang in there - and keep bouncing.

naturgesetz said...

"Sometimes I wonder if it's God's way of telling me I'm supposed to be alone for whatever reason at this stage of my life." It's at least within the realm of possibility.

Still, I wish I could be there and wrap my arms around you. I'm not entirely sure that I would be someone to love you as you mean the phrase, but I'd be one as I mean it.

Mind Of Mine said...

You can't really wonder why you haven't obtained these things, when you have done nothing to get them.

I don't say this to be harsh, but a relationship is not going to cure you of your depression and before you make changes in your life, you need to tackle that problem or else you will just end up in a vicious cycle.

Jj Rodriguez said...

same here...

you will be lucky to find one in the right time...

JJRod'z

Marty said...

Have you looked at using any of the internet dating sites? They might be a little easier on the shyness, and would allow you to look for people in a greater area than those you interact with on a daily basis (although living in Chicago this probably isn't as much of a problem as in some other places). Just a thought, hope it helps :-)

Hang in there, waiting is hard but sometimes it's just what you gotta do. You are a beautiful smart creative person, and one of these days you will find somebody who sees just how amazing and wonderful you really are.

JuJu said...

Answer: YES. You deserve this. You deserve someone to love.

Here's some ideas for you, now keep in mind, these are all suggestions from a straight woman who hasn't been in the dating world for a LONG LONG time!

-on line dating?
-get involved in some type of group that you believe in. A friend of mine mentors gay teens. You'll meet others with similar interests.
-ask friends if they know any eligible men?
-book clubs, art clubs? Even if only on line to begin?

I am so sorry you are lonely and sad. I know it's not the same, but I'm sending you a hug from my end. xxx

Heather B said...

I think this is my first comment on your blog, even though I've been a fairly regular visitor. But this post called out to me, because I too, feel the same way. In fact, I couldn't have said it any better. I've even been known to sing that exact same song at the top of my lungs in my car. But now, I find peace in the simplest fact that "Things will work out as they should". There's a plan, something we don't always like, or understand...but it's there. Have faith. And like I always say, I'd rather have none, than have something half-a$$ed. Keep your head up.

Nikki said...

I used to feel this way too, but then I just sort of accepted it, because hey, at least I got my friends.

sweet pea. said...

hey, its alright. youre not the only one out there.
i dont got anyone at the moment, either.
but then again, ive never had anyone like that, so i dont know what im missing. which makes it easier to be ok with...
but still.
=)

Dean Grey said...

Micael!

11 years is such a long time!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

Thanks for that, sir!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mind Of Mine!

I haven't done anything to get them? I disagree on that, Ian.

And I don't expect a relationship to cure my depression but I do expect it to cure my loneliness.

There's a difference.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jj Rodriguez!

I hope so!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marty!

I actually joined a dating site this past May and have contacted close to 100 guys on there so far but none of them were interested. Not one!

Gay Chicago men just take no interest in me.

*sigh*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JuJu!

I'll do some investigating about clubs I can join.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heather!

I shall keep my head up!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nikki!

But see, except for my online blogging friends, I don't actually have any "face-to-face" friends so that makes it difficult too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sweet pea!

Let's hope we both find someone soon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate everyone's encouraging words!

-Dean

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope the pride parade gave you inspiration to reach out just a bit more, you will succeed.

Melinda Chapman said...

Coming from a person who was a giant walking can of love-repellent for years and now with the 'great love' of my life, 8yrs on. :)
I think the difficult thing long-term single people face is that they become lonely 'undeserving-of-love' emitters, often without knowing it. This continually attracts no-one, or non-commiters and manipulators who don't value you, and are incapable of/disinterested in feeling/giving genuine love themselves. They will be subconsciously drawn to you.

To attract love, I mean real love - the kind you're talking about, where you tremble in each other's presence, where you have a deep pure love connection so powerful that it exists and is utterly known to you both whether or not you have the relationship or even speak of having one - then my suggestion is that you must first become love - your unique, self-possessed expression of it. This is what I've learned the long way so I'm happy to help short-cut several years of learning for anybody else. In terms of your self-awareness, consider loneliness 'aloneness', by understanding it's a temporary state that can co-exist with existing as a loving person.

It sounds weird, but this is key - if you can make the transition from feeling that your love is something that you will suddenly feel about someone when you stumble upon them, to something that you feel and live and naturally emit as part of your existence - then you won't have to worry about finding someone to love - you will find each other. Get out there and you will attract them, as well as great friends for the rest of your life. Not to mention you will radiate subtle, approachable strength and can be there to help others who wonder what it is about you that makes you so darn attractive and how can they find an awesome relationship like yours. ;)

Try it, and if you can achieve it - fantastic, it's simply an old truth you've forgotten. But... if you find resistance within yourself to it, if you feel it's too difficult because you can't see past wearing a giant sumo-sized 'lonely' suit for the rest of your life and it seems all doomed, then there lies your answer about who you're really meant to be finding and loving first.
Just my humble advice... :)

Klee said...

Gosh...I feel so much your pain....I feel exactly the same way. Sorry for not having words to cheer you up.

Dean Grey said...

Ken!

Yes it did....a little.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Melinda!

What AMAZING advice from you!

Your insight and suggestions make perfect sense. Applying it to my own life won't be easy but I'll give it a go.

I shall try to become the embodiment of love!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Klee!

Sometimes just being there is good enough when one doesn't know what to say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to the three of you!

-Dean

Rocky said...

Hi Dean.

Don't lower your standards as you're never going to end up happy in the end. I did and it got me two really BAD relationships.

-Rocky

Dean Grey said...

Rocky!

But then I may always be alone and THAT would leave me unhappy in the end too.

*sigh*

-Dean

Rocky said...

So your only choice is to settle?

Don't worry, it'll come get you when you least expect it :)

naturgesetz said...

A bad relationship is worse than no relationship IMO.

Dean Grey said...

Rocky!

"Don't worry, it'll come get you when you least expect it."

That would be wonderful, sir.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

Maybe so but I'm getting tired of being single!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate what you two gentlemen have to say!

-Dean