Saturday, May 21, 2011

I was almost in the paper!

An unassuming, 20-something girl with glasses approached me while I waited for the Red Line the other day. She said she was with the RedEye.

Chicagoans are well aware of this free newspaper, known for its trendy topics and flashy pictures over hard-hitting content. It's like a watered down Chicago Tribune for people on the go, or with short attention spans, or those not that into in-depth news coverage.

It's become a staple for commuters, businessmen, and college students traversing the Loop.

Anywho, this "reporter", with pocket notebook in hand, asked for my thoughts on the coming rapture which supposedly occurs sometime today (!!!).

My response would've been something witty like, "Good thing I didn't pay this month's credit card bill yet!"

But instead I politely smiled, "I really don't want to be in the paper."

For you see, the RedEye always takes a picture of each Chicagoan they "interview"....their headshot alongside the printed quote.

With my self-image issues, the idea of my photo being immortalized for ALL of Chicago to see made me cringe. I was too self-conscious about the way I look to take a chance.

Looking back on it days later, it would've been a quirky, fun piece of Chicago counterculture to have taken part in.

It reminds me of all the opportunities I missed out on because I was too scared or worried or nervous. Maybe one day I won't care so much about what other people think of me, or rather, I'll think a bit more of myself.



naturgesetz said...

"Maybe one day I won't care so much about what other people think of me, or rather, I'll think a bit more of myself."

Hopefully both. Maybe thinking more of yourself makes it easier to care less about what other people think of you.

Moving with Mitchell said...

Ah, shoot, Dean. 20 years from now, you'll look at pictures of yourself from this time period and think, "I was so good-looking then." But, I know exactly where you're coming from. I hope you can do better than I did (and still do). I for one would love to see your smiling face in the RedEye.

Ken Riches said...

That was a missed witty moment. Darn!

Anonymous said...

You should have said. Let me tell you with my ART and emailed her something that evening! I know the newspaper is free and all... but maybe it would be a good way for you to look into something as a way of getting your name/art out there!!!

JuJu said...

Okay, so here's your outlet to tell us what you would have answered. Is it the credit card answer?

I have struggled with insecurities all my life, so I feel your pain. How can I help you see what a wonderful person you are?

High Power Rocketry said...

: )

Randuwa said...

You are beautiful!

Liz said...

Ahaha, that is strange ! What an awesome chance to be in a paper !!!! :P

But I totally understand though. Sometimes we let what society thinks get in the way of a lot of decisions we make. You know what's the best part? It's a learning process. At least you KNOW and are conscious of the fact. There, is your first step. Now, you just need to consciously work on it. Do the things you want to and care not for what others think. :)

One day, it will happen, and you will be able to be interviewed without worrying about how your mini picture would look in a paper !! xD

david said...

its opportunities like this that your w.w. t shirt could help you with.... wear it under your street clothes, like a second skin, a "secret identity"...

dont doubt yourself so much.. youre a lot stronger than you realize....

~ cheers...

neora chana said...

Isn't it awful? I've also missed things over the years because of that. Some I regret, some I've forgotten. Hopefully we will both 'grow out of it'....

Dean Grey said...


Hopefully one day I'll get there!



Thanks for that, sir!






I like the idea of dropping the fact that I'm an artist in the quote. I'll use that if I'm ever approached again!



Yeah, I would've went with the credit card answer. I figure it's clever and memorable.









It is indeed a learning process!



Had I been wearing my Wonder Woman t-shirt that day I totally would've went for it!



I believe we both will!


I appreciate all of you sharing your opinions on this!


Hollie said...

Hi dean

I know what you mean, being put on the spot isn't always nice. Sometimes photos are more appreciated when you are little bit more prepared...but then I say I hate posed photographs!

More so now am I happier in having a photo taken of myself, whether it's posed or taken spur of the moment. I think before I hated having photos taken of myself because I was so unhappy. I didn't want to look at the person in the photo. Putting a face to negative emotions was even harder. I always thought who would want to know me...

Things have changed now and I seem to have had a breakthrough. I find it helps to take a photo of myself in moments when I do feel happy. At least then I have something to look back on myself to remember me now instead of me then (i have very few teenage photographs of myself and only now am I realising what I look like, instead of the image my mind made up as well), because me then wasn't happy and me now is a completely different person. Misery can make you hate yourself, and hide away. I found it only closed doors on myself instead of opening them...

bK said...

Aww, I would have liked to see you on the paper. Like Randuwa said, you *are* beautiful! Heh, perhaps you can use your art skills to get a job with RedEye!

Anonymous said...

well you already know I think you are very handsome:) and after reading this I decided to stop hidding and post a picture of me,,, so ta dah here I am, inspired by your post :)

Michelle said...

I'm chiming in late here, but you are a gorgeous person! I'm just a straight girl who won't benefit from flattery here, so you see, I'm sincere. :) You are beautiful and unique, you are worthy and enough.

Rakesh said...

I remember you made me delete your pic from my camera. You should get over this fear, specially since you look good. :)

Kathleen Rietz said...

You are your own stumbling block. I've noticed this pattern with you so often. I used to be like that, so I know. Practice being who you would be if you did not step in the way of yourself all the time. Get out of your own way. You are missing out on so much if you stay in this "safe" place. Life will pass you by...

Dean Grey said...


I'm happy to hear things have changed for the better for you!

Maybe I'll get there too one day!



I appreciate that, Brody!


David Allen Waters!

I'm glad you're out in the open now!



So sweet of you to say!



Yeah, I still feel really bad about that. You witnessed my me being self-conscious firsthand that day.



I'm my own worst enemy. I know, I know.


Thanks to everyone for their feedback here!


Tammy's Studio said...

You should have gone for it Dean. You are absolutely gorgeous and you should embrace it! =)

Dean Grey said...


I should've but didn't.

Maybe next time!