Saturday, April 30, 2011

Maybe another year.....


I just try to get this day over with as quickly as possible.

Always thinking that by this time next year I'll have met someone, found a better job, gotten to travel the world, and made something out of my art.

I turn 32 today and don't have any of those things. Another year older and still not where I want to be in life.

*sigh*

Maybe another year.....

Me turning six-years-old!

40 comments:

Jessica said...

Happy Birthday Dean. What do we have if not the hope that the next year will bring us more of what we work for in life, happiness. Just keep plugging along the best way you know how and you will get your wishes. You inspire me to do better things with my art. You helped inspire me to listen to my inner artist and do what come natural. You helped motivate me to start painting again, and for that I am forever greatful to a man I dont know. Happy Birthday Dean! Thank You!

Marty said...

You were a cute little birthday guy! Hang in there, life is full of unexpected turns that come out of nowhere and can take you somewhere amazing.

ps- happy birthday :-)

Anonymous said...

Stop being such a dramatic Debbie downer! It your Birthday. Go out. Let loose. Have fun...and don't take yourself too seriously!

Mercedes said...

Happy Birthday, Dean! They say it's not until your late 40's that you're actually satisfied with life. Not comforting, I know, especially since I have to live twice as old as I am now to get there, but take pleasure in the small things in life.

That picture of you reminds me of my two little brothers, I think you all might have had the same shirt :D

stanw said...

Hi there Dean,
H*A*P*P*Y B*I*R*T*H*D*A*Y wishes to you my friend. I hope that this, your 32nd year, will bring you the things you so desire for yourself, love, job, travel, success in your art and even those experiences that you would never have expected in your wildest dreams. Believe!
Oh yes, and have a piece of cake, put a candle in it, light it, and tell yourself this is the beginning of something new in your life. Don't just make a wish as you blow it out, say out loud, "I am worth knowing, I have value, I can achieve the things I set out to do, I am a good person, I am loved!"
Thank you for being the 'best blogger ever!"

Bouncin' Barb said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN! Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. If you don't you'll always feel like you never achieve anything. I have achieved those things in my lifetime and now I'm back down to just the basics and am enjoying every day that I can. I want to die happy!! Hope your birthday is a good day. It's a symbol of your being born.

naturgesetz said...

Happy Birthday, Dean!

You've certainly grown good looking over the years.

I've come to realize that birthdays really don't matter, although if you get to have a festive time with family or friends, or just some well-meant attention, that's nice.

So don't let the birthday get you down. Enjoy whatever celebration comes your way, or whatever you make for yourself.

And hang onto the the hope you posted about a while back.

n.lea. said...

Dean, You may be 32, but you are still so young. And I know you hear this all the time.
Trust me when I say, you don't want to rush into love. I did that and the 13 years that I have been married are marred by mostly bad moments and a loss of identity.
I am working on finding me and my own passions that make me me. Even tho the years are scarred, those scars are a part of me but DAMN if I don't wish I had just taken a little more time to get to know myself before I started a family at 18 almost 19.
So I too will be 32 this year and still wondery why I haven't found that dream job or gone to travel the world.
Maybe, we can travel it together :o)

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Mona said...

Happy Birthday Dean!!! We are all of us just works in progress!

Love your birthday pic at age 6 ~ very sweet! :-)

neora chana said...

While your recent posts show some the angst you feel, I still wanted to wish you a good day. Take care.

The Mother Experiment said...

Well Happy birthday anyway. For what it's worth I think you've done a lot of growing this year.

David Allen Waters said...

I say every year, maybe this is my year...never is, but I keep believing...what else can we do, right? HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear friend, hold on to your dreams, they will come true:)

hugs

Konkbonckles said...

Happy Birthday Dean-O! (unless you don't like the -O attachment, in which case, Happy birthday Dean ^_^)

If "Life is what happens when you make plans"..then, make some plans! For your art.. hold a small gala and invite people, friends, relatives, work acquaintances, folks you run into at the coffeeshop, whatever, right? Just a thought.

I empathize with you.. same general age, still unemployed, all my friends married and having kids, fretting about their car payments and mortgages..things I'm not even close to worrying about because I'm not `there` yet.

Do me a flavour?
Celebrate something about yourself.
After all, you've survived another spin on this earth, right?

Randuwa said...

Oh, Dean...I missed your birthday and I feel like a real loser, too! Know that your prince (or King) will come and I'll be there to toss all the confetti I can grab. Happy Birthday!

bK said...

Happy birthday, Dean! The birthday boy in the picture looks just like you! I notice that some people look dramatically different as they grow up lol.

You're always so hard on yourself >.< Even if you don't think so, you have demonstrated to be a remarkable individual!

Adam said...

Happy birthday Dean. May all the things you wish for yourself come true this year :)

Cathy said...

Wishing you a very Happy 32 and a day. Cute photo.

JuJu said...

Happy Birthday!!!

I find myself feeling the same way. "Is this REALLY what my life is supposed to be?" I try to stop, give myself a little slap and realize that whatever it is or isn't, it's my life. And, I've got to make the best of each situation; make the most of every day. When we can do that, we ARE living up to our potential.

I hope you surround yourself with all things glitter today.

Paintings and Wanderings said...

On the other hand, you can do something every day that helps you work toward your goals.

You might surprise yourself!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry you did not have a good birthday. Here is wishing you a great 33rd year.

Nadya Avila Chant said...

I used to think along a similar vein - I'll travel next year; I'll do something grand; I'll begin to achieve the goals I always boast about but never really pursue.
Things changed when two tragic events made me realize that I am never guaranteed a "next year." So whatever it is you're waiting for (and I realize this sounds cliche, sorry), DON'T wait anymore.

And by the way, you are an astonishingly talented artist and perceptive writer. You HAVE "made something out of your art" - you have moved the countless people who read your blog. :)

Nadya Avila Chant said...

PS - Happy Birthday!

Mitch Block said...

Thanks for sharing so honestly on your blog, Dean. Your artwork is beatiful, by the way. Thanks for sharing that, as well. For your birthday, I wish you good days and the ability to stop setting deadlines for yourself.

ilduce said...

Happy belated Dean. Don't worry it will all happen, just don't forget to enjoy the ride along the way.

Summer said...

Happy Belated Birthday!! Hope you have an excellent year.

Clare said...

a belated Happy Birthday. I am keeping my hopes high for you to get your dreams by this time next year.

Clare

Dean Grey said...

Jessica!

I'm happy to hear you picked up painting again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marty!

I hope you're right!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anonymous!

I cried a little that birthday morning, went to work, then vacuumed when I got home.

Fun enough for you? HA!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mercedes!

The clothes our parents picked out for us at that age....ugh!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan!

I shall BELIEVE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bouncin' Barb!

I'll do my best!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

I'm hanging onto hope....that's all I've got left!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

n.lea.!

Let's travel together, Nikki!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mona!

We are all just works-in-progress....almost like a painting!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

neora chana!

Thank you for that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Mother Experiment!

I hope I have!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David Allen Waters!

(((HUGS))) back at you, sir!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Konkbonckles!

You hang in there and I'll do the same!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randy!

It's the thought that counts NOT the time it was delivered, so your belated birthday wishes are appreciated!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bK!

Thanks for the sweet words, Brody!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam!

(^_^)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cathy!

Thank you, dear!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JuJu!

Good advice from you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paintings and Wanderings!

I know, I know--baby steps.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ken!

It's okay. I'm used to sucky birthdays by now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nadya!

Your comment made me nervous, especially the part that said DON'T wait anymore because we're never guaranteed a "next year".

Things to think about.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mitch!

Thank YOU for reading, sir!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ilduce!

Yeah, I think that's part of the problem. I'm not enjoying the ride along the way!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summer!

Me too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clare!

That's very kind of you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everybody's birthday wishes to me are very much appreciated!

-Dean

K.C. said...

Happy belated birthday. :)

Well, if it's any consolation, I would take you out on a date. :) I also enjoy your art as well, both written and visual.

Kelley Carey MacDonald said...

First of all - you were an ADORABLE six year old!!! My son is a couple of months younger than you, but the clothes, the haircut - bring me right back!

And this is what I tell HIM:
It's not a race. You will get where you want to be. Don't measure yourself against anyone. You are wonderful.

Best Birthday wishes for a good year ahead...

Jackdaw said...

I'm sorry I'm too late to wish you a happy birthday... at least for 2011. I wish you many increasingly happy years to come.

I think you're making a common mistake: you make expectations about the future instead of focussing on the present. Monitoring expectations is always depressing: either what you expected comes true (not too exciting) or it doesn't (disappointing). Take life as it comes and enjoy growing older, wiser and more mature. Every years you become a better artist, more creative and have more fans.

Chelle said...

I missed your Birthday!!! *gasp* HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Your alive so that's one up on some others. Things will come together. I hope you had a good day. And I hope your treated yourself not only necessarily but also unnecessarily lol. xoxo

Phoenix said...

Happy (Belated) Birthday!
I know there are many things you feel you haven't accomplished, but it all starts with one thing.
Attitude.
It's a little thing that makes a big difference. I know it's hard, but try to think positively.
You WILL have a job
You WILL have met someone
You WILL travel
And so on.
I know you can do all those things, Dean, and so much more. If you have the will to do so.
¡Feliz cumpleaƱos!

Dean Grey said...

K.C.!

Kenny, I haven't been on an actual date in SO long!

E-mail me please!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kelley!

I appreciate the motherly advice!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jackdaw!

You're never too late when the intention is a kind one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chelle!

Unnecessarily?

Hmmm.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Phoenix!

Bah! I've never been one for positive thinking. I'd rather deal with reality instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to all of you!

-Dean

Alex Pribnow said...

I didn't realise we were the same age Dean! I feel like this myself at the moment, but don't give up. If you think about it, the space where you can give up and comfortably despair doesn't exist... there isn't any giving up, not really. You have to keep going because you have spirit in the first place and you have desires. You're not one of these people who can be content without trying for more, and that's something that's just a part of you that's not going to go away. I expected mine would, and it never has. Keep trying for what you believe in, even if we don't make it. In the end, you can say you lived the way you believed, and that you followed your heart, even if it was difficult. =)

Cynthia said...

Dean - this made me so sad for you. I have been where you are - different reasons, but same feelings of disconnect from the world and others' happiness. But look at all the people you touch. Look at your remarkable talent. You will find a path as long as you start to believe in yourself the way the rest of us do. I'm not going to be one of those rah-rah types that suggests it is easy to do this - but I do know life is short so you may as well start sooner rather than later.

Happy belated birthday - go do something nice for yourself right now! :-)

Dean Grey said...

Alex!

Wise words from you, dear!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cynthia!

Thank you for believing in me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate you both commenting here!

-Dean

Catherine said...

Yikes! Thats how I felt today. Stop!!!! Happy bday! www.frenchtoastandwine.com

Dean Grey said...

Catherine!

Stopping!

-Dean

Dean Scott said...

I looked like a dork when I was six. You were cute and from your profile photos you are handsome.

Dean Grey said...

Dean!

*blushes*

-Dean