Bundle of nerves.

"Nervous energy"

Colored ink pens in Moleskine journal - (NFS)

Just thinking about it gives me a physical reaction.

My heart begins to race. A tensed feeling floods my chest and rushes up my neck. Teeth clench as I become lightheaded.

Tomorrow is Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the season, which I'm working on as well as the rest of Thanksgiving weekend.

No doubt the arts-and-crafts store will be PACKED. Unfortunately I cannot handle crowds well. Whenever faced with large groups of people, I've always fled, running to safer ground.

But during the next three days I'll be forced to stay since it's my job to be there. Not having the option to escape is going to be a HUGE trigger for me.

What if I have an anxiety attack right there in the store? Oh God, I'll be found in a fetal position next to the Martha Stewart glitter!

That terrible job has made me cry, worn me down, and depleted my time to create. Yet deep down a part of me says not to quit or call off but to dig deep, to try harder....and that's what I'll do!

I hope I can survive!

Chicago night orgasm.....

Chilled winds part my lips. A smile spreads across my flushed face. I look up to the night sky and moan to myself.

Mmmmm.....

Wednesdays are my late night at work so when I leave my city job I have two hours to kill in the heart of downtown.

Let me show you what I get to see.....

Gods of steel and glass envelope me with their tall, broad shoulders.

Reliable and strong.

I have the city mostly to myself and certain spots are downright deserted. It makes me nervous and scared but excited too. Almost a thrilling kind of danger.....

What lurks up there?

Zooooooom!

Taxis and cars speed through empty streets like laser beams.

Dazzling!

Everywhere I turn there's an orgy of warm lights making love to the crisp, night air. It stimulates the senses.

Afterglow.....

The unexpected around EVERY corner.

So many colors dancing in the Chicago River!

It's all so ridiculously romantic. How I long for someone to share it with instead of always being alone.

*sigh*

My kind of town!

Ahhh, Chicago. You're like a secret lover to me. Until next time, my love.....

Sheila's star!

It happens to the best of us. Sometimes life gets in the way and certain areas get neglected.

Fellow blogger, Sheila, hasn't updated her blog in six months! She's going through a rough patch and isn't really creating any artwork. God, I know how that feels.

I miss the posts about her old life in the police force and her journey in art. Bold-colored pet portraits, sketches, and what she learned along the way.

I wanted to send her something DAZZLING. To awaken the senses....to lift her spirits....to inspire.

What could be better than Mail Art!

Here is what I sent her.....

Origami paper and glitter on backing board - 5 3/4" x 5 3/4" (NFS)

The beginning stage!

Archival backing board (used for storing comic books) was cut into the shape of a star. Then strips of metallic origami paper were glued down in a spiral pattern. Finally, glue was carefully brushed onto the center and edges (in the shape of a star) so I could add glitter.

(Since this was being mailed as is without an envelope, I loaded on the glitter knowing much of it would come off along the way).

The address side! (I used the smallest stamp I had so I wouldn't run out of room!)

Five words were written on the front as a reminder to her:. Paint. Draw. Sketch. Dream. Create.

Never forget, Sheila!

Needing something high energy to listen to (to set the mood), I went old school and whipped out my Ace of Base CD while creating this star!

"Kiss me, baby, I am Snow White sleepin' in a coffin waiting for you

Waiting for magic, baby, I am Snow White sleepin' in a coffin waiting for you

(Dancing for magic)

It's what I do

(Dancing for magic)

For me and you

Oh, kiss me baby wake me up....."

Now let's all bombard Sheila with thousands of e-mails telling her to start painting again! (LOL)

Shine on, Sheila!!

Leaf rush!

I've been sticking them in my wallet, my notes for work, and even in between unused pages of my sketchbook.

Transfixed eyes scan the ground everywhere I walk. I'll pick one up only to stop a few feet away, gasp, and pick up another and then another....people giving me strange looks along the way.

It's become an obsession of sorts. That (crazy) inner voice telling me, "Take them, Dean. Take them!"--and I do.

This year alone, I now have hundreds and hundreds of fall leaves pressed and saved.

This morning's stash after walking to my neighborhood bank!

Elm, oak, maple, it doesn't matter. I may choose a leaf for its intense color one day or its shape or size the next. It all depends on which leaves speak to me (crazy, remember?).

They're all part of a super-duper, top-secret art project I'm working on. Okay, two art projects. Maybe three.

As you can see I have an idea but it's not set in stone. I'm letting it evolve as it happens. But one project definitely involves paint....and possibly glitter.

*(~_^)

I'm always on the lookout for leaves, Leaves, LEAVES!!

Rubbing my wood.....

Whoa....it's been forever-and-a-day since I mentioned this so let me refresh everyone's memory.

During the spring I found and took home this log.

Got wood?

Carving it, drawing it, and even using it as an outdoor planter were all suggestions made to me but which to choose.

While waiting for the answer to come to me, I thought it'd be fun doing rubbings of the log and I did just that!

Pressing crisp paper against the wooden surface, I gently rubbed with conté crayon, revealing the intricate texture I liked so well.

Conté crayon rubbing on paper

Still undecided on its fate, I kept the log for the LONGEST time in an empty corner at home.

I've sprayed this 12" piece of wood with the garden hose several times since, washing off a stray ant here and there lurking in the crevices before bringing it back indoors.

And then I kind of forgot about it.

But one random day upon closer inspection, I noticed mounds of sawdust around the log's base (I had it standing upright). And emerging from the top of the wood were dried husks of several bugs, possibly termites....in the house. Ugh!

So the choice became painfully clear after that. The next step is to paint the wood, forever sealing away anymore possible critters inside.

At least a direction has been set in motion!