Saturday, October 16, 2010

Remember your dreams.....


I used to be an artist.

I would draw and paint and write.

But now I just go to work. Any art projects are just that. Projects I work on here and there when I can find the time. It's become more of a hobby lately and less of a career.

If I'm not working one job then I'm surely working the other but what choice do I have? That right there is part of the problem I think.

My only day off is Thursdays but all I did two days ago was sleep in late, eat, then go back to bed....trying to catch up on the sleep I lost earlier in the week. Before I knew it, it was time to wake up for work early the next morning.

And besides, I wasn't in the mood to do much of anything. Feeling ugly, depressed, worn out, and alone.

I keep having to remind myself what it felt like to create, trying to fan the flames of my artistic goals and dreams.

My love of comic books and nature and color.

Don't forget, Dean. Remember your dreams. Always pounding that message into my head. Like that part of me is getting swallowed up by work.

A quick doodle I did this morning on a post-it-note. Sadly, this will be my only art for the day.

When people ask me what I do for a living I'm quick to mention my city job. I rarely tell them about my art background....that I went to college, receiving a degree in commercial art. After all, that was 11 years ago. It seems like a lifetime now and rather pointless to bring up.

Perhaps I'm embarrassed to let people know I didn't really accomplish much with my schooling.

The disappointing thing is each morning I'll think about ALL the art projects I can't wait to get started on yet once I'm home from work I'm tired and sore and just think about going to sleep.

It's a cycle I'll have to repeat for some time I'm afraid. Don't forget, Dean.....

P.S.:. I left the post-it-note near a random spot at my train station today. I figured once found it could be a visual message to others to remember your dreams.

34 comments:

Mind Of Mine said...

I could give you suggestion, but you are too sensible and forward thinking, to listen too it.

But I will try, find your art again, and don't worry about the longterm, not until you have the shorterm done...

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I think it is important to carve out 15-30 minutes a day to do what you enjoy. For me it is reading, for you, it should be art.

David Waters said...

sounds like you're down mate...but what I find truly remarkable about you is that even in the mist of a down time you took the time to leave that beautiful post it for someone else to find, inspiring them on. That shows what a lovely soul you have, and I believe that a creative, loving warm hearted person can't be kept down forever....so hold on to those dreams my friend, they are gonna take you far!

WOL said...

I hear you! I'm on that same hamster wheel. All I do is work. I steal a half an hour here and 45 minutes there to work on my writing. If you are familiar with Neil Gaiman's graphic novel series: "The Sandman" you know that in the Sandman's realm is a library that contains all the books that mortals never got a chance to write for one reason or another. (I bet there is a gallery there too.) The idea fills me with so much sadness. Yet at the same time, my frustration and unhappiness in the workplace fuels my writing. Seems as though when my work is drudgery, that's when I'm most creative. You take the train to work, don't you? Take a small sketch book with you. (I have a small notebook I carry with me.) Use that otherwise wasted time to sketch. At least you'll be keeping your hand in.

ChickenDancing said...

First of all, dreams never die, we simply choose to forget them.

Secondly, something I learned with age, although I seem to get no wiser,is that being an artist is something you are, not what you do.

There will always be cycles in life, some more creative than others. You will learn to balance time to not only maximize but intensify the creativity you are and will produce.

Do not be discouraged, "Young Grasshopper", for success is something you hold untouchable in the heart, not something held in the hand for the cold winds of the world to blow away.

JC said...

My friend, I am sorry you feel like you are losing your artistic dreams.

Sending a hug out to you just to comfort you and say it will all turn out okay!

I understand wanting to sleep in and do nothing on your day off. I have spent most of my fall break doing the exact same thing.

Do not give up on your hopes and dreams. I know you will accomplish all of them in the future...you just need to believe it!

Take care!

AutumnBoy said...

hang in there Dean and don't let your love of creation die, keep grabbing those little moments that you can to create.

as being an artist, for me, an artist is anyone that likes to create, no matter the skill, no matter if it is a career or a hobby or something that someone loves and only finds the time Occasionally to do, you will always be an artist, even if your work has nothing to do with it, in you're heart you are an artist,

as far as feeling ugly, stop it, your not. I am a guy and i am very conserative when it comes to saying another guy is quite a hansome fellow, which you are.

I know how you feel though, i struggle with feeling ugly myself as well, but it goes deeper then just physical appearance though.

I far as art goes, i have not been in art since i was in jr/high school in the 80's. Now that i am trying to pick it up again, i see so many (YOU INCLUDED) that are so talented, and i wonder, can i hope to be half as talented

i struggle with finding the time, and now that i am just finising up the last 13 years of getting through a BS in computer info systems, i want to start a BA in art and wonder if i will be able to

i also struggle with being tired, well not tired, exhausted at the end of the day, and although i have a desire to do something creative and get into the acrylics, oils (which i have not tried yet) or the pastels and learn, i just have no will power

hang in there dean

and as your post it note states, "remember your dreams" for it only when forget them that they will die
you are an artist, a damn talented and good looking one too! :)


warm wishes and hugs

steve

ricola said...

I'm glad you are posing random positivity around Chicago. :)

I know how you feel. My job(s) is insane and sometimes lasts 14 hours a day. One day though, I came home so incredibly beat down and went to my table and made a drawing. And it felt incredible. Now, I can't do that everyday but sometimes you gotta postpone the sleepiness for some hardcore ink and paper action. Even if just to remind yourself you still can do it. And you know you can.

stanw said...

First of all I must say I love the picture of you with the leaf in your mouth, a hint of a smile, love it!

What a thoughtful idea to leave the post-it-note behind to inspire someone to Remember your Dreams. Keep that desire to use your education, even to use it in challenging others by your thoughtful gestures just as you did that note, in doing special things for others which only you can do. I know, I have received a couple things from you and will cherish them. Keep looking for a job that will afford you the opportunity to use your education, Remember that Dream. Never regret, just get up and keep going.

naturgesetz said...

Well, I'm glad you posted. It reminded me to check for items being auctioned. So now I have a bid in for the pears. If I recall correctly, you made several work in progress posts about this painting. I hope I'll be able to add it to my collection of Dean Greys.

If right now art feels more like a hobby than a career, don't get discouraged. After all, having two jobs is bound to keep you from doing much. And the rule of life is change. If it's not your career today, that doesn't mean it will never be. Maybe you'll get to a point where you don't need a second job, and you can do more art work. And even if it never becomes your principal support, as long as working at it gives you enjoyment, it is definitely worthwhile.

And don't be ashamed of not making a living at what you studied in school. When you talk about it, there is always the possibility of making a connection with someone who could use your abilities (or someone who knows someone). But if you never mention it, that one in a thousand who could point you to an opportunity, doesn't get the chance to do so.

I'm glad you kept a copy of that post-it note, and I'm glad you shared it. Remember your dreams.

**We BLOG ARTISTS** said...

You will always be an ARTIST whether you practice everyday or not!
You have talent...and are passionate.
Remember that.
HUGS
Char.
P.S. I have a little GIVEAWAY going on...go choose one!

Prabha N. said...

You know Dean, there are simple yoga breathing exercises (you can see some you-tube videos on it) which you can do to get instant energy. It hardly takes a few minutes. But the tiredness goes away...its like a power nap, but much more powerful. It has worked not only for me but zillions of people across the centuries.

You can very slowly start increasing your drawing time alongside your breathing exercises. Hope this helps :)

Stephen Chapman... said...

I'm lucky - I always remember my dreams.

And as for art and creativity - sadly my blog is my only outlet at present. (Does converting the garage count?!?).

Anonymous said...

Hi Dean,

I have a friend who is an artist like you. He was in the same predicament. He had to work to make a living and had no time to paint. And, he is very shy and uncomfortable being in a crowd.

I prepared for him a preliminary plan which was almost the same as the one I suggested to you in my October 4 letter. Subsequently, we finalized a plan of action to help him solve his problem. He is now back in Russia and is still making good money from his paintings. He doesn't do anything else except to paint. His maternal uncle takes care of the marketing and selling of his work. He told me his next step is to overcome the feeling of being shy around people. He was very enthusiastic about my suggestion to paint a group of nude models instead of just one. He is still trying to decide how many models he could feel comfortable with.

It is really very difficult for an artist to wear two hats: (1) an artist and (2) a salesman. I'm glad my friend found a solution. I hope you can too.

Good luck.

Caesar Augustus

William said...

Number 1, you certainly aren't ugly. You may end up with worms, though, if you don't stop sucking on that leaf! :O)

Number 2, it's very difficult to create art when that nasty depression stuff hits. I'm dreading winter coming, because the dark days do me in. However, I've been joining Ning art sites where people offer free online art courses, and sometimes they actually motivate me to do something. I just made a butterfly that I will be mailing off to Canada. It's for a call for 1,500,000 butterflies that represent the young people that were killed during the holocaust. Check out this link: http://twodressesstudio.blogspot.com/2010/08/butterfly-effect-open-is-calling-you.html I'm sure you could create a beautiful butterfly. Unfortunately, they don't want glitter on them. That was my first idea until I read further into the instruction. Oh my. I'm associating too much with you. I'm starting to want to put glitter on everything! (I might even break down and buy some Martha Stewart glitter.) Anyway, I'm going to post a scan of my butterfly on my blog later today. You better stop by and look at it. :^)

Hang in there! You're a wonderful on-line buddy!

Lots of hugs,
Bill

laurentk said...

aghhh... I feel sorry for you. It's such a hard path not to give-up his passion. It is sad. 21th, employment market has come to this situation where in fact we take the first opportunities coming up because we need it and because it’s not sure we could have the one of our dream. Thus, day after day, month after month and year after year, the initial choices induce the next ones.. And in the end, for a lot of people, living of his passion is almost impossible,.., to late to come back. Being driven in your life can be so easier that driving it on our own..
If you succeed in not to forgetting your dreams, maybe you can still make it happen in the amount of time you plan…
I am sooo glad to be an idiot with no sense of art any (oups…), just born for jobs that I can eventually make fine for me…
Sorry that my impressive hangover of last night made my comment so melancholic!

Rakesh said...

If dreams were to translate into reality without a struggle, dreams wouldn't be so priceless. Without the rough patches, one wouldn't appreciate the smooth roads. Without facing fears, one wouldn't appreciate strength. Without evil, you wouldn't appreciate good. It's all relative. It's all transient. You're spot on when you keep telling yourself to "remember your dreams" and it will come together one day, when you will appreciate its fruition much more.

Gosh! That sermon was long! LOL

Dean Grey said...

Mind Of Mine!

But Ian, what will I do for money? Unfortunately I don't make enough selling my art.

I'd LOVE to just draw and paint all day, every day, but that won't pay the bills.

I need to keep both jobs if I can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken)!

I'll try setting aside at least a half hour a day for my art....if I can!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David Waters!

I'm definitely down right now, David, but I will hold onto my dreams!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOL!

I lug my sketchbook with me all the time but never seem to use it.

*sigh*

I've been reading graphic novels on the train to and from work. I'm too self-conscious to have people who're sitting next to me seeing me draw!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ChickenDancing!

You said, "Dreams never die."

That gives me hope!

So I just have to hold out until a more artistic cycle comes along, huh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JC!

But what if it doesn't turn out okay, Joey?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AutumnBoy!

Steve, my "ugliness" goes much deeper than just the physical (see my "Ugly" self-portrait for details).

How exciting that you're trying to pick up art again!

Let's hope we both create something amazing soon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ricola!

Just reading "hardcore ink and paper action" got me excited! LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan!

I'm definitely looking for a better job!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

I'll try mentioning my art background more often!

And I simply scanned the post-it-note on my computer before going to work. Only one was made and I left it at the train station for others to see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**We BLOG ARTISTS**!

Thank you for that, Char!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prabha!

I've never heard of yoga breathing exercises being compared to a power nap!

I'll have to look into that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephen!

Perhaps converting your garage could fall under interior design?

(~_^)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caesar Augustus (Anonymous)!

I received and read your letter.

Hopefully I can implement some of your ideas!

(You don't have a permanent address? What about getting a free e-mail account using a computer from your public library? You need to have a way to be contacted!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

William!

I checked out the link, Bill! I'm definitely going to take part in that butterfly art call!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

laurentk!

Everything you mentioned is exactly what I'm struggling with now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rakesh!

So you're telling me to be patient and that my rewards will be that much sweeter down the road?

Thanks for the (wise) sermon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone's advice on this is greatly appreciated!

-Dean

randuwa said...

You are beautiful

david said...

dean...
hugs... great big i feel for you and life is a bonus! hugs... and a kiss... (on the forehead...)
youre an amazing person, even in the midst of your own despair, you bring light into the world with a simple post-it-note doodle...
be well, strive to be happy....

- cheers... david

Robyn said...

My favourite thing about this post is that you left that beautiful dream post it note for a stranger to read.

Love that!

That's the artist in you.

best wishes for a lifetime filled with creativity.

Robyn :)

Robyn said...

ps... i at one time had this template of beautiful dots when i started blogging.
it's beautiful to see it again
it's lovely here at your blog

madtexter (corey james) said...

Dean, I think we all go through these cycles from time to time. Hubz and I are moving back to NYC in a couple weeks, and I'll be unemployed again. I graduated with a degree in Communications Media and a minor in Recording Engineering. Today, I'm an office manager and happy at what I do (most of the time). After spending time in a recording studio for a bit, I knew then and there that I didn't want to work in one - ever. Recording studios and television are full of people with HUGE egos that are full of themselves, and I can't stand that.

You ARE an artist. You don't need to earn a living as an artist to qualify that.

sam said...

I hope you do keep at it Dean, when its a big part of your life, try to find the time and later you may have more of it to spend on creating.

Dean Grey said...

Randy!

Awww.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David!

Hugs back at ya!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn!

I appreciate you stopping by!

I'm partial to the dots template for some reason. They remind of a cross between primitive doughnuts and a graph....PERFECT for the theme of this blog!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

madtexter!

Your move sounds exciting, Corey! Hopefully you land a job in NYC soon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam!

I will keep at it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts here!

-Dean

Joey said...

Put a post it on your bathroom mirror to remind yourself to:

Remember your dreams! This is your life we're talking about. You are important, Dean...

Joey

Momo Luna said...

A heartfelt post Dean. I know these struggles as well. But hang in, don't give up, your time of doing art is waiting silently in a nice place. Take your time, it'll gonna be alright, i'm sure. Right?

Sweet greetz and a big hug for you!

suzanneberry said...

trite but true my good friend - change your thinking, change your world. your world appears bleak outside because you've painted it bleak on the inside. you can smack me later but you are the only one that can change the way you feel. you need to let dean know you are the one who will love and care for him and stop calling him ugly when he is unbelievably beautiful, stop telling him it's hopeless when he is the embodiment of hope itself, stop telling him he can't when all he is is can. embrace him, enfold him, love him, he needs you.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

I agree with everyone else's advice... don't give up on your dreams or yourself!

We all have our real life jobs, and our passions, what my friend Lisa (librarian, artist) calls our "secret life". Is hugely important!

Dean Grey said...

Joey!

I don't always feel important.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Momo Luna!

I like the idea that my art is waiting for me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne!

I agree with everything you said. It's just easier said than done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brahm!

But how do we make our "secret life" the main focus when our real life jobs always have to come first?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate everyone's words of wisdom!

-Dean

Joey said...

You are..

Joey

Dean Grey said...

Joey!

Thanks for that!

-Dean

ceyda's world said...

=)u re really talented.i see that and i said woww...

Dean Grey said...

ceyda's world!

I appreciate that!

-Dean