Thursday, July 15, 2010

Red lost in a sea of green.


I thought it was dead. While bringing one of my houseplants into the backyard this afternoon, I noticed a ladybug near the side of the house. Motionless in the hot sun.

It was a tiny shock of red. A brilliant red.

It shifted a bit after gentle prodding with a twig but was clearly injured. (I think the bug light zapped it the previous night).

Afraid the ants would come along and carry it away, I scooped the ladybug in my hand.


I watched it struggle aimlessly, staggering sideways, almost going in a circle. One of its back legs couldn't extend anymore. It kept trying but it just wasn't enough. God, I know how that feels.

I placed it in a planter with marigolds (ants don't like that flower) but the dirt was too uneven making the ladybug repeatedly fall onto its back.

They say if you make a wish on a ladybug then let it fly free that your wish will come true. That wasn't going to happen this time around.

The ladybug couldn't even spread its wings. It didn't have much of a chance. It'd either get eaten or just die from being stuck in the same place.

I considered quickly crushing it. That by killing it I'd put it out of its misery. And when I went to photograph the ladybug it accidently fell from my palms into the lawn. Dammit.

Maybe it was meant to be. Who was I to decide its fate? Now it was out of my hands....literally.

I searched and searched for it in the interwoven blades of grass but it was hopeless. Now it was just a tiny speck of red lost in a sea of green.

17 comments:

Randuwa said...

maybe it was just suffering a little heat exhaustion....They are amazing little insects!

sMacThoughts said...

Only God should decide the hour and the day; not you nor I, Dean. Never at your own hands....

I am sorry not to have commented in a couple of weeks; my computer monitor was taking a long time to decide it has seen its last day, as well. I was without it, and suddenly, in effect without my computer, because of it. At first I was devastated and sad... I am extremely (to a silly extent!) sentimental about my 'things'. They all have souls and ... well, I digress....
but then I thought, hey, I am being given a gift. Free time. I have no other choice, at least until the few times I can borrow a friend's computer (at his convenience) I can't be scanning negatives, or post-processing photos for uploads and printing, or blogging, or commenting in forums, etc.

So I read. I read The Hobbit, which I'd never read. I slept more, I went out to dinner. I visited old friends. I cleaned out parts of my closet. I cleaned. All these things I found time for until the new monitor arrived 2 days ago. And as I return to the internet and visit my online sites and blogs, I am touched by your loss, and have to remind you that your uncle is with you; he will watch over you, and he certainly would not want a person as talented and healthy (physically) as you to let it all go to waste.... he did not have the choice; you do.

Continue your therapy as soon as you can. Celebrate life and commit to your wonderful gifts.... you are a wonderful, wonderful writer, first of all, Dean, I don't know if anyone has ever said that to you. And you are a very talented artist.
As long as you are alive and have your body, you have hope and potential for anything and everything.

naturgesetz said...

This sounds so much like the sort of thing I'd do.

Yeah, there are times when we do our best, but we don't succeed in what we want to do. But at least we tried. We did our best.

Steven Anthony said...

this is just anotyher example of what a big heart you have...hugs.

stanw said...

Dean,

I just love lady bugs, they are marvelous flying (most of the time they can fly, so sad about the one you found) creatures. With wings like they have it is really amazing to see them fly. Love the color, just everything about them. Sad story, I had one inside here once, then one day I opened the sliding door and on the screen I mistook it for something else and in a moment of something or other I flicked it and it didn't survive, still bothers me. Love the pic.

ricola said...

I like this.
Not so much the poor lost lady bug.
Rather the greater metaphor for
what can seem like aimless
and perpetual handicapped motion
through life.
very much where I am presently.

david said...

dean...
you write really well... our blogs have the same template... cool..

-cheers.. david
http://twoforflinchingfiveforfighting.blogspot.com/

bK said...

Hmm... that's really poetic...

Dean Grey said...

Randy!

I did give the ladybug a couple drops of water but it didn't seem to help. It was definitely injured.

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sMacThoughts!

Thanks for the thoughtful comment!

I'm trying to keep busy with all my newfound free time. Lots of cleaning here as well!

Sorry to hear about your computer troubles!

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naturgesetz!

Agreed.

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Steven!

(^_^)

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Stan!

They are lovely aren't they?

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Ricola!

Sorry to hear you can relate to this post.

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David!

Why thank you, kind sir!

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bK!

I'm glad you think so!

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Everyone's kind words are greatly appreciated!

-Dean

Randuwa said...

Thanks for the clarification on it's injury: A fact that makes me sad, but life is often times fraught with injury and yet it is life. Life that can't be replaced by anything else that we know of except death. I respect the right of sentient beings to choose, but I admire far more your hesitation that allowed this being to proceed. We are never called to make the decision for someone else. Once you attain viability, you have the imperative to live and the option to die. Clearly this little bug was viable, and even IF it ended up as ant food; who's to say that that outcome wasn't it's gift back to the universe that gave it life in the first place? The meaning of Life is ours to discover and marvel at with grace and mercy.

madtexter (corey james) said...

Dean,

This is very touching prose. And what's more brilliant is that it really happened to you. I think there's more to this story that will soon be revealed.

Remember, hindsight is 20/20.

Dean Grey said...

Randy!

I couldn't have said it any better myself!

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Corey (madtexter)!

We shall see if there's more to this story!

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Thanks to the both of you for chiming in here!

-Dean

Kelley Carey MacDonald said...

I think the compassion you showed this one living (barely, but still) thing, is goodness sent out from you - and it counts. You have already done many good things for people, now... for this little being. You did what you could. It was enough.

Dean Grey said...

Kelley!

I did what I could and I agree, it was enough.

-Dean

Mary Sheehan Winn said...

Some might think the ladybug and her predicament, of no significance, but I feel the same way you do about it. I capture bugs who have invaded my space indoors and put them outside.
One day recently, I liberated a tiny moth who'd spent the night trapped between the door and the screen door and as I stood watching him fly into the morning air a bird darted from the hedge and snapped him up!
A suburban National Geographic moment, if there ever was one!

naturgesetz said...

One way to think of it is that the bird needed breakfast, or maybe even something to bring home to the chicks.

Dean Grey said...

Mary!

That poor moth! At least you tried to save it, right?

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naturgesetz!

That's a possibility!

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I appreciate both of you adding your thoughts on this!

-Dean