Thursday, June 24, 2010

Putting life on hold for death.

Death is nothing new to me.

All of my aunts, uncles, and grandparents on my father's side are deceased. I'm always told the story about how my maternal grandmother died of breast cancer four months before I was born. How she desperately wanted to see me.

My grandfather (on my mom's side) died of lung cancer when I was in 7th grade, one of my cousins died of heart failure seven years ago, and today marks the 5th anniversary when my dad died of a massive heart attack.

Now I visit my uncle as he deteriorates a little more each day at the hospice center.

A fallen sprig from my neighbor's pear tree.

I called my therapist and cancelled all future appointments for the time being, telling him I'd like to wait until my uncle passes. Due to logistical issues, it'd be too difficult doing both. Therapy will always be available to me when I'm ready to go back.

I haven't drawn or painted anything since early last month but that will be waiting for me too....I hope!

And I'm apologizing to all my fellow bloggers. I've fallen behind on everyone's blog. Once things settle down I'll be able to get caught up. But right now I have more pressing matters to attend to.


naturgesetz said...

I can understand that you don't want to be tied up with something else when you want to be at hospice for your uncle, especially for the last moments, if possible. You certainly have more pressing matters than reading blogs and painting. But be sure to resume life promptly afterwards. You have been on what looks like a good path.

May God's blessing be with your uncle and aunt and you during this time and always.

Joey said...

Dean -

Your love and dedication to your aunt and uncle is something words could describe it. You have put your life on hold for them. I admire that about you in a way I can't say.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers through this very difficult time. Everything and everyone will be waiting for you when you come back to us. For now, do what is needed with you family.

We all love you!

jason said...

you just take care of yourself, dean.
keeping you and your family in prayer.

R. Burnett Baker said...

Dean, take time for for your uncle. For your aunt. For your family. For yourself. In that order. Your priorities are absolutely in order. My prayers for your uncle and family. And for you.

You'll prevail.


melanie said...

My heart goes out to you and your family' i wish you all the love, care and compassion you need and deserve xox you are right Dean' everything waits for expression'

I remember clearly many times where i thought and believed that my creativity had been swallowed by life's trauma's, times i thought i'd never feel like painting or writing or drawing again'
Like that was someone else, not me, not me has at times been buried'

But when your ready, when you are able' you will go in search and find inside yourself again the beauty and the wonder of your creativity'

All that requires you attention right now is remember to take care of you while your take care of them'

It's the hardest thing to do' hold onto your life and feel for living, when you are holding the hand and walking as far as you can go with someone who is on the journey towards death'
How do you live while they are dying'
I wrote a lot whilst going through my experience with my mum' it's such a lonely experience, i felt at times like i was in a bubble'

Sending you warm hugs' and then some more'

Dean Grey said...


Only time will tell if I'm able to resume life afterwards!



Thank you, Joey!



I'll try to take care of myself!



I hope you're correct about me prevailing!



You got it exactly right! How do you go about your life when someone close to you is slowly losing theirs?


Everyone's thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated!


Mike said...

Take care and treasure the time with your family right now. Like many others have said, things like blogs will be here when you get back. You're in my thoughts :)

Rozen said...

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

But then... If it just kept going on,
how do we look back at the films of our memories, without rewinding? -
We live again in our own solitary world, where time stops for you and only for you.

Keep living, we die in bodies but never in thought. This is simply a balloon returned to you! :)

Anonymous said...

take time with your family and yourself....know that you are in my thoughts and prayers....sending big hugs friend

Meeko Fabulous said...

We'll be here for you when you return. X's and O's. :)

Prabha Narayanan Art said...

Its my turn Dean to see my father slowly giving way to cancer as per the CT scans taken today. Reading your post helps.

Dean Grey said...


Thanks for that!



Wise words from you!



Thank you for the hugs!


Meeko! sweet.



My thoughts are with you, your dad, and your family.


All of your supportive comments mean a lot to me!


Kelley Carey MacDonald said...

Nah! No apology needed! Time is short do what you have to do.

Dean Grey said...


I appreciate that!