Sunday, June 27, 2010

A new day was starting.....


"A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist." . --Stewart Alsop

My mom opened the door to his room but I was the first to enter. My uncle was tucked neatly in bed as if he were a package. His face looked relaxed. I placed my hand on his forehead and it was stone cold. My aunt started to sob.....

My uncle was taken to the hospice facility last Monday. He became noticeably weaker, deteriorating a bit more each day. By the end, he no longer had the strength to talk, keep his head up, or even sip from a straw so we fed him bits of water and lemonade with a needleless syringe directly into his mouth.

On Saturday he was unresponsive and ran a fever. The hospice center called my aunt later that evening, just hours after visiting him, and told her to come by. Informing her that my uncle had passed.

Our backyard morning glories

"I guess I was just hoping for a miracle," My aunt said to my cousin over the phone. "I really was."

I offered to spend the night yesterday because I knew my aunt wouldn't want to be in their house alone--too many photographs and reminders of him when the death is still so raw.

It was around 4 o'clock Sunday morning when I wrote the words to this blog post (obviously I couldn't sleep). Even though the full moon was still visible, the sparrows chirped and sang outside my window anyway. Lying in bed in my aunt and uncle's spare bedroom, it became quite apparent that whether I was ready or not....a new day was starting.

25 comments:

jason said...

I'm sorry to hear this, Dean. I pray he's at peace...and so are you and your aunt too.

Mike said...

Dean,
I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your uncle. Please know that you're in my thoughts.

JC said...

The picture of the morning glories is beautiful.

You have dedicated so much of your life over the past few years to the care of your aunt and uncle. With the passing of your uncle, you are correct in the fact that a new day is inevitable. The question becomes "what kind of new day will emerge?"

Honestly, I hope that you will be able to focus a bit more on Dean! I, personally, want to see you flourish in this life. You have such a great talent for the arts and a zest for life just bursting to be let out.

sMacThoughts said...

OH Dean, I am so sorry for your loss. You are a very devoted and kindhearted nephew, and your Aunt and Uncle are/were so lucky to have you with them. Prayers to you and your family!!

naturgesetz said...

My condolences to you and your aunt and the rest of his family.

May he rest in peace, and may you all find comfort at this time.

You have been so good throughout his illness, I'm sure it will be a source of consolation to you as time passes.

Steven Anthony said...

Im sorry for your loss, I will continue to pray for you all.

I remember the day after mum passed, the same thing...the sun was out, birds singing, I remember thinking it should all stop in memory of her...but as you said it doesnt...

hugs

Ask the Cool Cookie said...

Please accept by deepest condolences on the loss of your uncle. It can be difficult for humans to understand that when life ends, the lives of others go on. Its what has to be because it is what happens. I wish you and yours "good" grief during this time. Allowing yourselves to mourn as you need to is a difficult undertaking. My blessings for your uncle's soul and the peace it too may find.

Prabha N. said...

May your uncle rest in peace! My prayers are with you and your aunt.

stanw said...

Dean,

A new day, the yesterday's were filled with caring for your Uncle and today you are caring for your Aunt in her time of loss. A new day, carrying on even through the pain of your own loss as well, and yet able to hear the joy in the song of the sparrows. Guess that is what a new day brings, depends how we view it. You are an honorable man, full of compassion, that is simply a quality of a man with character, believe it.

Mind Of Mine said...

I am sorry for your families loss. My thoughts are with you.

Michael Rivers said...

Best thoughts to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Dean,
Condolences to you and your Aunt.
Alex

R. Burnett Baker said...

A prayer for your family, Dean. There are no words left to say for now. Everything and anything that needs to be communicated will be through your tears, recollections, communing with your uncle's friends, and just being there for your aunt and other family members.

Your strength will come from your Aunt's moments of weakness. And THAT will be your blessing to her.

Peace....
Rick

christopherc said...

My condolences to you and your family. May you find strength and peace through the positive thoughts and energies we all send your way.

randuwa said...

I love your quote and I hope that when my time comes, those around me recognize the need I will feel and honor it.

Kelley Carey MacDonald said...

Sorry for your loss, Dean. What a gift you gave to your uncle and aunt. Your generosity is commendable. Good luck with all the funeral things. Yes, a new day is starting for you. For your aunt. And hopefully, for your uncle. Peace, Dean.

Dean Grey said...

Jason!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JC! (Joey)

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sMacThoughts!

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naturgesetz!

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Steven!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ask the Cool Cookie!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prabha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mind of Mine! (Ian)

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Michael!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex! (Anonymous)

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Rick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christopher!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kelley!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to everyone for your condolences during this difficult time period.

-Dean

Clare said...

I am so sorry to hear this Dean. My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.

Clare

melanie said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
sending love your way, hoping you may find some peace and comfort somewhere' somehow during this time of grief and loss'

suzanneberry said...

Dean, I am so very sorry to hear of your Uncle's passing. His struggle is over, but yours is just beginning. I pray you can find solace in the fact that you were there, every single minute you could be and you'll be there for your Aunt. We're here for you. Be well and be good to Dean, he is an incredible human being.

Dean Grey said...

Clare!

Thanks for that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Melanie!

xoxoxoxoxxo back at ya!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne!

You're right. My uncle has passed but the rest of us have to continue. Easier said than done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate hearing from you three ladies!

-Dean

Summer said...

Dean!
I have been a bit behind on blog reading as I have moved. I am terribly sorry to hear your uncle has passed. Not sure your feelings on the afterlife but I hope something occurs for both your aunt and for you to show you he is still here, just not the way you both prefer.
When one of my favorite uncles passed away, the night of his funeral I felt a strange tickled behind my ear. He would do this when he was alive because I am so very ticklish. To me it was his way of saying "Hey girl, still here."
Blessings to you darling! Hugs to your aunt!
Summer

Dean Grey said...

Summer!

We haven't gotten any signs from my uncle just yet. Hopefully that means he's having too much fun wherever he may be!

-Dean

Dean Scott said...

A beautiful sentiment from a beautiful soul.

Dean Grey said...

Dean!

That's very kind of you to say.

-Dean