Dirt in my salad.

His hospital bed whirred. I adjusted it to incline up then handed my uncle his glasses once the doctor came in. The darkness of the hospital room was cleaved as I drew open the curtains a bit.

The view from my uncle's hospital room.....

My aunt sat to my uncle's left, looking like she was about to burst into tears and I was on his right while the three of us took in the news.

"What's my expiration date?" my uncle asked, hands semi-folded with fingers pressed together. The doctor didn't like that phrasing but said my uncle had about 2-3 months left to live.

My uncle was admitted to the hospital (yet again!) this past Tuesday for being dehydrated and extremely weak. He steadily began refusing to eat or drink much of anything these past several weeks, dropping 15 pounds since Memorial Day. He's skin and bones at this point.

The oncologist said the cancer is too far gone and his appetite will never really come back. That my uncle wouldn't be strong enough to receive chemotherapy and we should start looking into hospice options.

The last time my uncle was at the hospital in May, the doctor told me something similar. That he'd become sicker and sicker, begin missing chemo, and eventually die of the cancer. But this time around they gave a targeted timeframe so the news seemed more definite and urgent.

My uncle was given a "banana bag" in his IV to see if that would boost up his nutrition but now he's storing excess fluid in his belly. We were informed a feeding tube wouldn't be much help either. That we'd be prolonging the inevitable. His body is literally shutting down.

On Saturday he was awake for maybe an hour the ENTIRE day and only had about 8 ounces of a shake in the morning. He's extremely tired, desperately wanting to sleep, only waking up when the nurses give him his meds or when the pain is too intense.

The hospice representative told us yesterday that my uncle probably wouldn't make it through the end of the month. After all, once he's back home, he'll simply not eat or drink much and essentially dehydrate and slowly starve to death.

So we went from hearing 2-3 months several days ago, to my uncle just lasting weeks. It's a lot for all of us to take in.

But after another long day visiting at the hospital, I was finally back home and decided to fix myself a late dinner.

The sun was setting as I plucked a few leaves of swiss chard from the garden to add to my side salad. I was so tired and drained by EVERYTHING that I forgot to rinse off the greens! So there ended up being dirt in my salad but I ate it anyway. That's the least of my worries right now.

Now we have to decide does my uncle die at a hospice facility or at home. He's going to want to go back home. I'm just not sure if my aunt and I can properly take care of him even with the help of a visiting hospice nurse.