Saturday, April 3, 2010

It was good while it lasted.....


I live a very sheltered life and have fallen behind on things most people accomplish much earlier on.

One of those things is driving. I do NOT own a license!

My neighborhood train station is about a block-and-a-half from where I live. When I went to college downtown, the train literally stopped at the corner of my school. And my previous job, which was also in the Loop, was only blocks from the same stop.

Add to the fact that I'm a recluse and hide most of the time and you can see why driving wasn't a priority for me....until now!

Sketch of the Rules of the Road booklet

This past Wednesday I took the written driving test! All of my studying paid off because I only got one answer wrong (something about what to do at a stop sign. Yikes!). Now I have my instruction permit and can begin practicing to drive!

Go me!!

I think this will be a good thing. It'll allow me to become more independent and rely less on family to get to places.

And this celebratory news came on the same day one of my amaryllis bulbs decided to bloom!

Lovely!!

Learning to drive was one of my goals since I was in my early 20's. This feels like a step in the right direction....for once!

When I held that permit in my hand I felt so accomplished! It was a really GREAT day for me.

I felt powerful, sexy, and even a bit dangerous!

Mmmmm........

A natural high. One that made me feel normal and connected to the rest of the world. And during that day, there must have been some naivety in me too, for I thought my depression was really nothing and that I conquered it right then and there, once and for all.

And in truth, that wonderful feeling has steadily faded several days later. As it always does.

It makes me wonder how much different my life would be if things were completely reversed.

If I experienced those great days most of the time and the depressing ones only every now and then. Ah, that almost sounds too good to be true.

But I'm trying not to dwell on that. I'm working on some art projects now and riding out the rest of the high while I got it. It was good while it lasted.

22 comments:

Jackdaw said...

Congratulations. I've been in the same situation, I never really needed a driver's license to get to school or work. But I didn't want to become a thirty year-old without a driver's license, so I started taking driving lessons when I was 29. I can tell you that it gives you more freedom that you will ever want to give up once you have it.

As for happiness: while analysing if the glass is more or less than half-empty, your drink will get cold and you risk accidentally knocking it over. Just enjoy drinking it: for all you know you'll get a refill...

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Yaayyyy you.

sweetmango said...

1.Congratulations, a wonderful achievement!
2.The flower is stunning :)
3.You are a beautiful person with unlimited potential.

You are loved
xxsm

Tracey Clarke said...

You can have more good days than bad...just take the right steps, one at a time.
Congrats on your test....
Let's see some more of your stunning artwork.
BTW, you are so funny and so cute...;)

Randuwa said...

Congratulations! And permit me an observation on your flood of emotions: Power is an illusion, sexy is a fact, and danger lurks within all of us. Blessings to you always!

jason said...

Good for you indeed, Dean!
And let me tell you, driving is good for the soul. It is! It's saved my sanity more than once.

Steven Anthony said...

BRAVO my friend...how wonderful to have a goal and reach it....dont let the down days make less of what you have done, be proud of yourself, and have fun hitting the road;)

Happy Easter my friend

stanw said...

Dean,

Congratulations+ on passing your written test, onward and forward! I grew up in a small town and once in a while drove around even tho' I didn't have a license yet, the town cop didn't have very good eyesight so never recognized me. Thinking back you'd think eyesight would be a prerequisite for being a police-type-guy.

Love the sketch and those Amaryllis' are so showy.

Isn't it great to feel relief and have a sense of normalcy, hold on to it, champion it and grab hold for all you got, you are worth it.

Enjoy your Easter.

Dane said...

Life is about the small moments. CONGRATS DEAN on getting your license.

~D

Mike said...

Congratulations!!!

May this natural high continue when you get behind the wheel!

naturgesetz said...

Congrats!

Yay Dean!

Being able to drive does making getting around a lot easier when there isn't a train from where you are to where you want to be.

So do your practice and "knock 'em dead" on your road test. LOL

ITPhDude said...

GOOD FOR YOU DEAN!!! I really wish you would take my advice and go see a psychiatrist. They can put you on some medication to stabilize your mood and lift you out of your depression. Your depression is probably not caused from activities or daily living, but rather, it is probably a chemical imbalance. I am bipolar, and let me tell you, if I don't take my medication I can fall into such a deep suicidal depression in which I can't even get out of bed to say nothing about basic functions during the day. The sooner you deal with this and get your depression under control, then you might begin to experience more days of joy rather than the dark depression that is your normal life right now. In any event, good luck on your practice driving and have a lot of fun.

Dean Grey said...

Jackdaw!

"for all you know you'll get a refill..."

That line made me smile!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WannabeVirginia W.!

Hooray!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sweetmango!

How nice of you to say! Welcome to The Doughnut Gang!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tracey!

Hopefully I'll post more artwork soon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randy!

Thank you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason!

I can't wait to drive!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steven!

I am proud of myself!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan!

Onward and forward!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dane!

Life is indeed about the small moments!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mike!

I hope so too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

As long as I don't hit anyone I'll be fine!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ITPhDude!

Thanks for the advice!I've taken some steps in that direction but want to wait to talk about it on my blog until it happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone's supportive comments are greatly appreciated!

-Dean

Winter said...

i think i will never pass a drivng test, so i guess public transportation will do >< thanks for chatting to me and have a blessed easter :) hugs!

bK said...

Congrats, Dean! I would imagine that you would pass the test given that you were able to sketch the drivers' ed booklet lol. All the best on your adventures on the road!

I'm impressed by the pictures of your flowers! I was really into flowers and botany when I was little.

Ryan said...

Hello Dean,

Good for you, bro!

As you might have put together, I don't have a driver's license either, or know how to ride a bike. I wanna know how to. I just wish I could go straight to the driving around Arizona in my red Mustang part and skip the learning to drive part.

Dean Grey said...

Winter!

You're SO young! You have plenty of time to pass the driving test!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bK!

I appreciate the kind words and am glad you like my flowers!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ryan!

Well, you're younger than me so don't feel too bad. And I never learned how to ride a bike either. I never owned one!

Welcome to The Doughnut Gang too BTW!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to the three of you boys for chiming in here!

-Dean

Don Gray said...

Dean--good for you--congratulations! Driving brings a feeling of freedom and independence that is empowering. And it will literally expand your world--a good thing!

DKSmall, artist said...

Stop sign means Stop. Now that you know that you are good to go... unless you see a stop sign.

Dean Grey said...

Don!

I can't wait to expand my world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DKSmall!

Ahhh....so that's what the eight-sided red sign means, David!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate the encouraging words from both of you gentlemen!

-Dean

Kelley Carey MacDonald said...

You SHOULD be proud of yourself! And, as I always say, "Life" is not a race. It may seem so in school, and shortly thereafter, but really, we only need to regard our own progress. Think of this day, of this feeling, and live that feeling again. And seriously, you are the most amazing blogger! LOOK at the number of comments you get EVERY post!

Dean Grey said...

Kelley!

I guess I have the bad habit of comparing my life against everyone else's. You're right, life is not a race!

-Dean