Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"I feel so alone right now."


"I feel so alone right now"
Watercolor with ink and wax in Moleskine journal - (NFS)

This is the second entry in what I'm now dubbing my "crazy journal".

It's just a basic watercolor paper journal but it's become a safe place for me to express my inner turmoil in a
healthy manner. Think of it as art therapy on a budget!

This latest "crazy painting" captures how I'm feeling at the moment. Isolated, detached, and terribly alone. So alone it hurts.

I wonder if that will ever change.

Sometimes I no longer think so.....

30 comments:

Writer said...

This is how I feel right now too, but who doesn't when you're up this early or late as the case may be? I really like the photo.

Aaron said...

www.reachout.com

thinking about u, Dean.

MAX said...

Dean!

...go and have a look at this old post I did...It addresses this very issue...

http://perhapsintime-cam.blogspot.com/2009/08/where-to-turn-to-for-help.html

Hang in there!
MAXMOM IN SOUTH AFRICA

Michael Rivers said...

Hugs to you. Hope you're feeling better.

naturgesetz said...

"[A]rt therapy on a budget!" Great idea! Reflecting on what you draw/paint/create — what it means, why you feel as you do when you create it — should be very useful.

It's a very striking painting. I shouldn't say too much, lest I derail your own reflections on it, but I can certainly see how it expresses the feeling of aloneness.

The self-portrait is also striking

WannabeVirginia W. said...

My dear Dean,

I have been following your blog for quite some time and admire your artistic talent and very cute to boot. No to kick but on top of being talented you are also cute. I hope you don't mind me saying that. I won't give you any advise because its your journal and most people who read journals want to give advice. My advice to people reading journals is just to read and listen. Not that I have some experience in that. So that is what I am going to do read and listen. If you are wondering why the hell my comment is so long well go over my blog and you can see why. This is not shameless plug but just so you know.

Virginia.

Steven Anthony said...

I have lived with alone for so long, at times it consumes me....if you ever need someone who has dealt with it to listen, Im available my friend;)

stanw said...

You're not "alone' with that feeling, and it really does grip your heart as your picture indicates. My thoughts are with you in this mutual and real dilemma you are feeling.

Take care of you, Dean, you are worth it.

Manon Doyle said...

You'll make it through, my friend. I know you will. Hang tight.
I love the *crazy journal*!! My journals have helped me through so much and yours will for you!!

Dean Grey said...

Writer!

I've had that feeling for a long time now but yes, it does seem especially intense late at night.

And that's me in the photo!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron!

Thanks for that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAX!

I will check out your link, MAXMOM!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael!

I'm sure I'll feel better in time....I hope!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naturgesetz!

You're more than welcome to share your thoughts on my "crazy painting(s)". I always like hearing other people's perceptions of my work!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WannabeVirginia W.!

Thank you for reading and listening!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steven!

I'm sorry to hear you can relate to this post! (((HUGS)))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan!

I will try to take care of ME!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Manon!

You are the queen of art journals!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All of your supportive comments are greatly appreciated!

-Dean

DKSmall, artist said...

Perhaps you need to learn to be alone and not be lonely, at least until Mr Right sticks around.

jason said...

Ah, dean...you're never really alone, you know. Though it often feels like it, I know...I know all too well.
Sending more good energy up there to you.

Rosie said...

Invent a character, draw a comic strip and put the sad stuff into humour.

joanne May said...

Hi Dean,
I am sorry to hear you feel so alone but like I have said to you before, we all feel this way... There are so many levels of loneliness. You can be in a crowded room and feel lonely and even be with family and friends and feel disconnected from the people you love. Most lonely people have blogs, to feel a connection with like minded people!:)
I hope this helps you.
All the best, from your blog friend, Jo.:)

joanne May said...

P.S.
I love the white butterfly painting... That butterfly image in the dark is sometimes me as well!

Dean Grey said...

DKSmall!

But that's the thing, David. I pretty much spent my entire life alone. I'm more than used to it....it's how I expect things to always be.

I'm starting to think "Mr. Right" is just an illusion, until he's HERE and proves me otherwise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason!

I'm saddened to hear you know the feeling all too well. I appreciate the good energy you're sending me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rosie!

I've always wanted to be a comic book illustrator and create my own comics. But putting all those ideas to pen and paper seems too taxing for me now.

A lot of my motivation and desire has died away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joanne!

Most lonely people have blogs, huh? Then I'm pretty good company!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to all of you for adding your thoughts on this post!

-Dean

i_lk_me said...

I love it :) Next time I'm in Chicago, I am coming to find you and steal ALL your artwork :P

I miss art :(

Martha Miller said...

Yay, Crazy Journal! Beautiful painting! Make MORE! And I love the new photo self-portrait series of writings on your body! DO MORE of THOSE, too! xo

martha miller (it's all art, isn't it?) said...

i own many many crazy journals! :*)

Dean Grey said...

i_lk_me!

Remind me to hide my art the next time you're in Chicago!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Martha!

The good news is my "issues" aren't going away anytime soon so there are bound to be more entries in my "crazy journal" as well as the writings-on-my-body photos!

We can be crazy together!

~_^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate you two chiming in here!

-Dean

Kelley Carey MacDonald said...

Well... what a beautiful, beautiful painting. Journal away... pour out your heart. I did this many years ago and found my way.... you will, too.

Dean Grey said...

Kelley!

I hope you're right and that I find my way too!

-Dean

sMacThoughts said...

If it helps, you are SO not alone.

Dean Grey said...

sMacThoughts!

Thanks for that but many times I do feel all alone.

-Dean

James said...

You always got me ol' mum. :]

Dean Grey said...

James!

That's sweet but you're not here in Chicago!

-Dean

Anonymous said...

awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. lina holzbauer

Dean Grey said...

Lina (Anonymous)!

Sorry, I'm not on twitter or Facebook!

-Dean

Dean Scott said...

Your "Dean ink" photos pack so much emotion. I felt like I got punched in the gut. You're probablay tired of me commenting "Powerful," but damn, you are powerful.

Dean Grey said...

Dean!

I'm glad my artwork has resonated with you so far!

-Dean