Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
I've been thinking about dying lately. Hoping it would come for me soon.
These past couple weeks have been quite hard. Feeling worn out, extremely depressed, emotional, lonely, spiritless.
Though I'm constantly surrounded by family members, I don't feel close to them, or rather, I feel "detached" from them. And the few friends I have, I haven't heard from in a while.
It's not easy going through difficult periods in life all by yourself. I keep bracing myself, trying to remember that I've gone it alone before and I know I can trudge along and do it again. A loner I was bred and a loner I shall always be!
Most of the time I'm just so tired of everything, I try sleeping the day away. Pity I have to wake up and feel like this all over again.
When I'm not helping my aunt and uncle, lately my free days consist of sleeping, getting up to eat something, then lying back down to rest. My time is so limited as it is, that not much artwork gets done when I'm in bed all day.
How ironic that my uncle is struggling right now, wanting to live and I'm struggling right now, wanting to die.
I lay my head into the softness of the pillow, shut my tear-filled eyes, and escape from the rest of the world for a little while. Praying tomorrow I'll feel better. Disappointed when I end up feeling worse.
How I wish I had a strong shoulder to cry on. A willing ear to whisper my fears to. Someone to go to bed with.
For now, rest will be my comfort from the cruelty of existence. Ahhhh....let reality slip through relaxed fingers and the pain run down my sheets once more as I start sleeping the day away.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
That was what the office manager said to me on the phone, just days after my interview with her last week.
God knows I have low self-esteem but when someone else doesn't believe in me, well, it doesn't help any. It was discouraging when she told me all the reasons I wasn't qualified for the position, focusing on what I didn't know rather than what I could do.
It left me feeling disappointed, deflated, and down.
*long, deep sigh*
The experience leading up to the bad news was nice though. I took the train into the city and felt so free upon arrival....like coming home! I'd forgotten how much I miss wandering around the Loop.
On the El were professionals going to work and students off to class. People who had real lives and were going somewhere. In that moment, all dressed up for the interview, I felt like fit in with them. I felt normal for a little while.
I got my hopes up....again....and had to mourn the loss of what could be. That job would've allowed me to rent a small apartment somewhere nice and live a more independent life. A chance to change things for myself. Now I'm back at square one. Still unemployed and on unemployment.
When I told a former coworker that I didn't get the job he said, "When you get knocked down, you stand up, dust yourself off and try again."
Yes, I do believe in that but I've fallen so many times, it's becoming harder and harder to rebound. Sometimes I just want to stay down and give up trying altogether.
Things aren't going in the direction I want. Will they ever? At times I no longer think so. Maybe all of it is true.....it's just not going to work out.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Watercolor and ink on watercolor paper - 2 1/2" x 3 1/2" (SOLD)
Start eating your sugar skulls and assemble your ofrendas! It's time to celebrate el Día de los Muertos also known as the Day of the Dead! T
This Mexican holiday occurs on November 1st and 2nd, when the dead are honored and remembered.
Inspired by this festive event, I created this Day of the Dead skull!
Skulls are said to represent death and rebirth while butterflies symbolize the souls of the deceased.
I wanted a design and color scheme that just pops!
There's something so eye-catching about Mexican Art that draws me in. So full of life and color and tradition. Maybe I was a Mexican girl in another life. That would explain everything!!
Here's to hoping everyone has a