It's only a matter of time.....

Gray clouds, big as ships, sailed through the sky. Every now and then a light rain would dot the ground. And determined winds, with chilled enthusiasm, tried to force changing leaves from their homes....albeit too soon.

This was the scene from the front window today.

The desire to draw and paint comes and goes but it is assuredly always brief. Those creative impulses grow more and more infrequent it seems.

What will I do if they cease altogether?

If I didn't have my art and my writing I would shrivel up and die. A slow death that would eat away at my already fragile core.

At this point, I'm too worn out too cry. Good....I'm sick of crying.

Puddles have formed on the uneven sidewalk while overhead the sun tried to emerge. I smiled when the clouds overtook it and swallowed the sunlight whole.

I think I've doomed myself. No job. No real life. I've never achieved any of the goals I set for myself years ago and quite honestly could case less. I feel like I ran out of options.

Each week that passes I feel more and more like a failure. A day older....I'm falling behind that much more. What if it's too late already?

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

The drive in me has become a faint scream that nobody hears. Not even me.

Lifeless. Lost. Trapped, Detached. Closed-off. Disappointed. Worthless. Negative. Unhappy. Unmotivated. Wasteful.

Ah, I guess I was wrong. I'm not too worn out to cry.

The leaves fluttered on tree limbs, tickled by the cool air. Try as they might, they cannot hold on forever. They will fall eventually....it's only a matter of time.