And so it ends.....

I was the last to leave my floor after the building officially closed for the night. How fitting. In the back room, what was left in my locker I stuffed into my bookbag. My key card and city of Chicago ID were gently placed in my supervisor's mailbox.

Everything was given one last look and I said a prayer of thanks. I'd worked here approximately two years and four months. The longest I had held a job. I was proud and grateful for that. This space became like a second home, the coworkers an extended family.

As the closing door behind me echoed in the hallway, down the escalators I went. Teary-eyed, I left my workplace for the final time. I was being laid off and yesterday was my last day.

God knows I hated that job. A major city department, we dealt with people every day. The redundant, tedious, and never-ending work. The regular homeless patrons and ex-convicts. Finding toenail clippings, pairs of underwear, and yes, even fecal matter. I won't be missing ANY of those things.

But it was a steady (though small) source of income. Working there got this anti-social butterfly more comfortable around people. It got me out of the house. Perhaps most importantly it allowed me to make some wonderful friends.

Once I left the building it all started to sink in and the tears started flowing. I didn't want the nighttime crowds walking about to see me boo-hooing so I went where I normally go on my late nights when I wanted to be alone.

Aon Center courtyard ("my spot") looking south of the Loop

The Aon Center has a very large yet softly lit courtyard that is sort of hidden from the main streets. I love it there at night because it's private and packed with trees and plants. The surrounding skyscrapers all aglow just add to the romantic ambiance.

It has been my secret safe-haven from tourists, drunk Cubs fans, or rowdy teens roaming the Chicago streets at night while waiting two long hours for my train to arrive.

And so I sat by my spot one final time thinking about things (as always) and just cried and cried and cried.

"My spot" facing north of the Loop

Before I started this job I was in such a bad emotional state of mind. A deep, deep despair. And now I fear, almost 2 1/2 years later, that I'll fall right back into it. I can feel it creeping up for me already.

I brought just two tissues thinking maybe I'd have to blot my eyes once or twice. Oh I was wrong! I went into the "ugly cry" several times. Lips quivering. Nose running. Even the back of my neck became sore.

The time finally came to start heading to the train station. Still in the courtyard, I once again said a prayer of thanks, this time for keeping me safe on my late nights. That "my spot" may provide shelter to those who need it in the future just as it did me.

On the way home I thought about what one of my coworkers told me just two hours earlier.

She was going down the escalator as I headed into the back office. Our eyes met briefly. I smiled. Now out of view, she called out in a cracked voice, "I hope good things happen for you, Dean."

I hope so too. I hope so too.