Rain, puddles, and tears (Part 2)

Puddles are gifts from the rain. They provide a murky view of the world around it. Shallow pools that mirror everything back at us. A chance to reflect on our distorted reflections.

So I had a chance to recover (a bit) from the earth-shattering, cataclysmic, and traumatic event known as my 30th birthday.

Last year I could tell people I'm in my twenties. Now I have to say I'm in my thirties even though I turned thirty only two days ago! Ughh!!

I didn't even get the chance to join 20-something-bloggers now I have to join 30-something-bloggers instead. Eewwww.

Me ten years ago in college. I didn't like my picture taken!

Looking back, my twenties had so many more downs than ups. Here's a list of the more memorable ones:

- I lived like a recluse for almost two years after graduating art college.

- I deliberately lost contact with my two best college friends.

- I took on a dead-end job and quit five days afterwards.

- Had a quarter-life crisis and left for Ireland, swearing never to come back, only to take a flight back home three days later.

- Got another job and was fired four days after getting hired.

- Became unemployed for a good couple of years.

- My father died.

- Our family dog died the following year.

- I had my heart broken.

- My new best friend, who worked at my current dead-end job, left for a better paying position and now I don't see her that often.

- My current place of employment, due to budget cuts (a.k.a. the economy), pulled all future job openings. It might be like this for the next couple of years meaning I'll be at the bottom level for a while.

A lot of these things I must take accountability for. Certain things are out of my control but for the most part I'm exactly where I am in life because of the choices and decisions I've made or haven't made.

I've detached myself from the world and people around me. Faced the same damn "issues" over and over. Waited, procrastinated, and waited some more until years went by. I let fear, depression, shame, lack of drive, and weakness keep me down.

Here's to hoping my thirties are more productive, fruitful, positive, and focused on my career in art.

That all the garbage and shit of my twenties gets buried and mixed into the ground becoming the foundation for which I build upon from thirty on up.

Only time will tell if what I see reflecting back at me in future rain puddles is good or bad.